" World Famous Chili "

I was driving home from work last Friday
When my stomach started to growl
I had barely driven another mile
When it suddenly began to howl
-
Now I knew what I wanted
And this probably sounds silly
But I had a craving
For a big bowl of chili
-
You see I'm kind of a chili connoisseur
I could eat it every day
I put chili on everything
I like it fixed just any old way
-
I like my chili hot
Sometimes I like it cold
Home made or from the can
I like it spicy and bold
-
Well it was right about then
I passed a sign by the road
Cousin Tommy's World Famous Chili
Lord I hit the Mother Load !!
-
I slammed on my brakes
I could already taste that heavenly brew
I jumped the curb in a u-turn
Then skidded side ways in their drive thru
-
Can I Take Your Order Please?
A lady's voice seemed to sing
Two chili burgers, a fry and a shake
And pile your chili on everything
-
I told them to shovel it on thick
I had the whole place working in a fury
I said just throw it all in a bag
I'm in a hurry
-
I no sooner got home
And I had half a burger wolfed down
Then something heavy hit my stomach
It almost knocked me to the ground
-
I took another big bite
That time I almost fainted
It tasted like diesel fuel and turpentine
My burger was tainted
-
I turned up that big bag of chili fries
But made a mistake in my haste
It wasn't the burger at all
It was the chili with that rancid taste
-
By now I was light headed and wobbly
I stumbled and knocked over my lamps
The room started spinning around
And I doubled over with cramps
-
I grabbed for my drink
I gulped down all I could take
Lord Have Mercy
It was a Chili Shake
-
My whole body went numb
I thought my tongue was growing fur
I'm not sure what happened after that
Its all just a blur
-
I woke up two days later
And I wasn't exactly in the pink
I found myself in the bathroom
Sitting on the john , my head in the sink
-
My house smelled like embalming fluid
My lamps lay on the floor
And at just that very moment
Came a knock upon the door
-
I opened it just a crack
It was a friend who I did try to greet
He said he was feeling kind of hungry
And did I want to get something to eat ?
-
I gave him that other chili burger
I do hate to waste
I said its made with World Famous Chili
So its a little different as far as taste
-
I suppose misery loves company
Its now all just a cloudy haze
But I really should go check on him
He's been missing now for days
-
So if you get a big craving for chile
Just remember what I've said
And don't blame me
If you find a sink stuck to your head
-
One last thing to remember
For days you'll have the trots like a philly
If you dine out at Cousin Tommy's
With that World Famous Chili !!!!
-
Robert Pledger©
1/18/08