Now...sadly, nothing can be done about that unless it is either eventually found in your possessions or someone turns it in. But you are dealing with separate issues here and you need to sort them out and face them appropriately. Your loss is one, your desire/need to lose weight is another, your turning to food for comfort is there, and you have a deadline for the formal dinner. Each of these requires a different reaction and action. Making the common choice that we all tend to make by blending your grief for your loss with a reason to eat unhealthily even while knowing it is going to sabotage an event that is important to you is a good time to stop and take a different path. To quote Robert Frost, "Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." If we take the same old familiar road and turn to food to comfort or avoid feelings, we remain lost.
You've acknowledged the behavior and have seen the consequences. The answer to the lost ashes is not found in eating junk that will only bring you more unhappiness.
The loss of motivation is very common, even without a negative event to trigger it. Motivation is very delicate, even though it seems powerful at first. It is easily tested. You can replace it with determination by changing your thinking. Break the connection between your loss and food. These two things have nothing in common. Perhaps purchase another piece of jewelry with your child's name or birth stone to remember them by. Nothing can replace your remembrance, but no one can steal your memory of them. Taking some kind of appropriate positive step to comfort might help you find that forgiveness if you need that to move on.
Take a moment, now that you've acknowledged the behavior, to remember and focus on why you started Cambridge. Those reasons are still there, and even if they have been clouded over with the grief of your loss, you can mentally put yourself back on that path, just by making up your mind to and then moving in that direction. It may sound overly simplified, (but hopefully not insensitive), but in reality it is a choice like the hundreds of choices we make every day with all of it's challenges.
Again..I'm so sorry this happened. I will remain hopeful that it is discovered somewhere unexpected in your possessions
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