Since I was a young child, I have been terrified of going to toilets in dark places, namely public toilets. I had such awful experiances as a toddler holidaying in cornwall where many public toilets are those stainless steel rectangular type and I would refuse to even sit on them. Since then, I still have a fear of public toilets and can only go if it is light and clean, I am forever checking behind the lid, under the seat, under the bowel, on the ceiling, behind the toilet for anything, making sure its clean before I go, and even when I do I keep looking around, checking. As if this wasn't bad enough its even extended to my own home toilet, It is intensley annoying as I have to go through this routine every single time and my time spent on the toilet is torture and I try to spend as little time as possible. This is not so much linked to what this sight is about, and initally I thought that what I have just mentioned was my main problem, but from reading this site, I have realised, that I am unable to defecate in public toilets, or if anyone is around, say upstairs in my house, the floor the toilet is on. I have never recognised this as a problem, but now do. I was wondering if anyone could offer any adivce on ways to beat this and also, if anyone else has a need to rigorously check the toilet before hand like I do. Numerous time I have tried not to check, but every time I can barely sit on the toilet for more than 5 seconds without jumping up to check, regardless of whether I am desperate to go.

Many thanks

Emma