Jennifer, your story is exactly like mine. The things that you say and do, I have done myself. I thought I was the only one in this world. This problem goes back as far as I can remember. I was adopted and I think this started maybe when I was being potty trained. My foster mom wasn't that great. I think it just continued throughout my life. It seems to have gotten worse the older I get. Because I realize how STUPID it is, but I can't help it. I never went away to college, because I knew I could never use those dorm bathrooms. I did get married, but it has been really hard. My husband is great. He will go to another side of the house and stay put and even in the mornings he will leave early for work just for me.(But yes, I feel bad for asking him to do that)
And yes sometimes I resent him because if he wasn't here maybe I could have went to potty, but no I couldn't and now I feel bloated and miserable.

I did have a child, but very reluctantly. And yes it has been very hard. He is in college now so that helps. I'm like you, I don't have many friends except at work, because I don't want to be out to eat and yes my IBS kick in and have to suffer the pains, because I can't use the restroom. Yes, I have been able to work, but it is a single bathroom but it is out in the hall where every can see it, so no I will not do #2 at work. I will just be miserable until the feeling goes away. Usually I won't eat anything that might upset my stomach. I don't want to take a chance. My sister has been coming to stay with us some and that is so hard. I will usually get up really early and try to potty and just hope I don't have to go again. My problem is that I worry so much that I will have to go, so then of course my stomach hurts and yes I will feel like I need to go and just have to hold it until the next morning. Also my sister wants us to start taking trips together and there is no way that can ever happen. I make excuses and I know she just thinks I don't want to go, but I would love to. My problem also is that even if I am alone, I have to take the phone off the hook, cut the fan on for noise, and still it's hard to relax because someone may ring the doorbell. If I feel rushed I can't go. I usually have to allow 45 minutes in the morning just to not feel rushed. Which means I have to get up at 5:15 instead of most people. I try to go potty before I leave for work.

I finally said I was going for help. I made an appt. last month to see a psychologist. She was really nice and really felt bad for me. I asked her had she ever heard of this problem and she said no. She wanted to put me on Lexapro and start therapy sessions. But I don't like to take medication and it seems so stupid to have to take medication just to use the bathroom, which should be normal. She told me I would not make it through the sessions without the medication, because I do get really emotional when I talk about it out loud.

I really do want to get help. I am 45 years old and do not want to live like this the rest of my life. Sometimes I do wish I was dead, just so I wouldn't have to worry about this anymore. It's always on my mind and I just want to be NORMAL. I am curious about your hypnosis. Please let us know if it works. It seem like it would, because you need something that can just wipe it out of our minds like it never happened. If not, I will always know it exist. This might sound crazy, but I wrote Dr Phil about this condition to see if he could help. He has the money, knowledge, power, and know how. Maybe, if other people wrote him he will feel a need to do a show that really means something.

I know I have rambled on but, it is hard to get a lifetime of thoughts into one page.