I’ll give you some background; I’ve had these problems since very young childhood, below 4 years old. It all started because I wouldn’t sit on a pot, and then when I got to about 4 or 5 I refused to sit on a toilet. The more my mother pestered me to sit on a toilet the more I refused; it got to the stage where I couldn’t even imagine doing it. I saw it as a complete embarrassment and totally humiliating to sit on a toilet, I use to imaging other people on a toilet and think “how dare they do it”? My Mother had Agoraphobia and had given up on a cure so I think she saw this as something similar and probably associated what I was going through to her problem. She suggested (when I was 5) to stand on a spare piece of floor covering and do it on there, then she emptied it into the toilet afterwards, she thought this would get around the problem temporarily. This kept going on and I got to the point where I couldn’t retreat from it, while I was doing this with her present it was like a way proving to her that I wasn’t sitting on the toilet and refused to give in. As I got a bit older, I was a bit embarrassed about doing it in front of her but it would still have been much more by sitting on the toilet even with nobody present, it would have been the thought of her knowing I was going properly. It completely hindered my life because I had to work around opportunity to go while nobody else was in the house and was sure nobody was due to visit or come home. It got to the stage where she believed I couldn’t change and covered this from other people, while I was standing over the floor covering she would face away to make it easier on me until I had finished. As I got older she got worried about where it was all going to end, she often said “you will have to start doing this on your own, I can’t keep doing this until you are a man”, this panicked me more with the thought of having to change and what a big issue it would be. I now experience what others here do, I can’t use the bathroom with anyone present in the house or if I’m out with anyone I know. My life has been sneaking out to public toilets where nobody knows me. Regards
Kevin
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