thanks for your candid post. you sound in a low place about this.
and from what you've written, i can understand why you wouldn't tell your family...
you've obviously tried a lot of different therapies to help combat this problem. and with little success. and i can relate to that strongly. when i first set up this site, steve soifer who wrote a very good book on recovery from shy bladder, suggested i write a book on shy bowel as there was no literature on it. i straightaway felt like there was no point because if i could only describe the condition without offering any ideas on recovery then it would be of little use to sufferers. i still hadn't experienced any shy bowel recovery myself at that time - despite going to hypnotherapists and cbt therapists, psychotherapists etc.
however, MY SHY BOWEL HAS GOT A LOT BETTER. that's when i decided it was time to write a book on it and share what had worked for me.
one thing that galvanised me into action was when i saw a book with a desense hierarchy for shy bladder written by a very well qualified psychologist which was obviously not understanding the key issues for shy bladder sufferers and therefore of little use for graduated exposure. if this was the case for shy bladder (which can be desensitized fairly rapidly IF you know how to approach it - see steve soifer's book for how IT SHOULD BE DONE), then what hope is there for people with shy bowel? that's where my book comes in. i am not a cbt therapist or any other qualified mental health professiona. what i do have though, is experience of my own recovery, and a knowledge gained through experience of that little (but difficult) gap between the theory of cbt and its application to shy bowel. ...and how to overcome that gap and get on with shy bowel recovery.
so all i would say is, don't give up just yet...
btw, just to challenge you on one thought process you've voiced: you wrote, "You can't very well have a love life if a major bodily function is not possible." tell me more why you think this is true and we can look at it together as it may be very useful for all of us on this messageboard.