Funniest thing I've read in ages and so true! However to add my two cents, disabled toilets make for great safe havens too. I had a terrible experience where the condition had gotten the better of me for a couple of days and I really couldn't hold on much longer so had to go at work. Our toilets lead off the changing room and no matter how often I went, SOMEONE always came in or wasn't quite done. I got incredibly annoyed for quite a while before realising there was a disabled toilet located well away from everywhere that was enclosed. Absolute genius! Never had a problem at work since!

Also, toilet paper lessens or mutes a watermelon lol. The hand dryer can be a godsend too lol.