I like to think of myself as not a very shy person, I don't often hide things from my friends, but when it comes to my toilet issues I don't even consult my parents.
When it comes to staying round at a friends house I'm often nervous about using their toilet,often asking to play loud music then rushing to use the bathroom or waiting for loud action scenes in a movie before making my escape.
Increasingly recently however, as I become more independent I've gone on holiday with friends and I've noticed how bad my phobia has become. Only last year I went on holiday with my boyfriend and although he was fine using the loo, I was always terrified and would wait until he went for a shower in the other bathroom before I went. Even then I can't do a number 2. Maybe it's because I feared he would hear and think I was disgusting or that something awful would happen like the loo wouldn't flush (which is my worst fear when I'm round at a friends house!) but I simply couldn't bring myself to do it.
To make matters increasingly worse, I have a condition called Reflux which means that my stomach produces excess acids. This combined with my toilet fear makes me feel sick and uncomfortable for days at a time, and as I'm even more terrified of passing gas in company, this makes me feel like the air builds up inside of me, and I often dream of when I can eventually relieve myself at home.
I want to leave for university in a few years time, and I have friends that I desperately want to live with them whilst we are at uni, but one problem. The toilet one. And the fact that the three of them are boys.
They are my best friends and I know they love me for who I am, but this condition makes me break a sweat when I even consider telling them or them finding out!
One question I ask is this: do you have any tips or tricks that you guys have to avoid awkward situations? Do you have any advice to give me?
I don't want to turn down opportunities just because I'm too scared to do a basic human thing. I want to find ways I can deal with this without being fearful, and live my life!!