I have had this disorder for many decades, but one psychologist finally nailed the diagnosis. The impetus was when I was molested and almost murdered by a neighbor when I was seven years old. Sadly, he was the worst doctor I had. He allowed me to drink with him, encouraged me to smoke pot (which I had never done before), and gave me sexual overtones constantly. It got to the point where I was beginning to wonder who was the patient and who was the doctor. I have trouble making friends (I am very guarded and cautious about letting people in to my life, and also have an automatic shut off valve where I will not let people pass, almost like saying "That's close enough!", and keeping them from getting closer to me.) I always felt as though if they got to know me they would abandon me.
I rarely go out (usually only one day a week to do the grocery shopping for my elderly Mom, and can't wait to get back home into my safe cocoon of a nest.) I have only one or two friends, and one of them is very cruel to me verbally, making me feel so "less than" her or everyone else. I can no longer work because I lost all of my confidence in my ability to do so. They treated me terribly towards the end of my tenure, despite over a decade of fantastic reviews and raises. When the new regime took over, I felt as though they were bullying me and wanted to get rid of me. I would cry at my desk, in my car during lunch time, in the men's room, etc... My fellow employees saw this and it further separated me from them. I couldn't challenge my bosses on issues, even if I knew I was in the right. I was finally sent to a psychiatric institution (my fourth or so on an in-patient basis, given 12 sessions of ECT electro-shock therapy during my last stay), which did not work, unfortunately). I am now severely debilitated and on long term disability. I yearn to speak with someone who shares my problem, because I feel so very alone. I have had only two short-term relationships in my life, each lasting about one year. I ended both of them because I thought that my partner was (or would) cheat on me, and also because I felt as though it would only be a matter of time before they found someone better than me, and just dumped me. I have a lot of love to give to someone, but that person has to be hyper-vigilant not to make me jealous, and I know that it is a tall order. I have been told by others that I am handsome, but I don't believe this to be so. I feel as though I am past the age of attracting anyone, and am very picky about who I am attracted to. People say that I am a very young looking 56 years old.