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we're in this together!
Posted by meba on 1/24/2021, 8:03 pm
I've had this problem since I've known myself (I'm 25). Not only can't I poop if someone's nearby, nor can I fart, no matter for how long. This was usually only a (bigger) problem at work, because I would spend like 14/15 hours away from home - the only sacred place where I felt safe to do it - and it wouldn't matter how badly I wanted to go: I just couldn't. Up to the point where it physically hurt and my stomach made a lot of noises. Farting would definitely help alleviate my pain and embarassment, but I just can't. It's not something I can control, it's as if my body just shuts down and contracts all its muscles so I won't go through the inconvenience of having to deal with a natural body necessity. This was manageable, but now my boyfriend is staying over for three/four days at a time and although I'm in my own house, I CANNOT go for the entirety of the time he's there. Sometimes, if he's going somewhere, I basically force myself to use that time to go to the bathroom, but only if I know that he'll be gone long enough for me to do it calmly. Sometimes I'm just too bloated (since I don't fart either) and I try to go while loud music is playing AND the shower is running, but it rarely works as I'm just too nervous he'll hear it, or that he'll need something from the bathroom. I cannot explain why I get so nervous over this. I obviously know this is a natural human body function. We all poop and that's ok. But it's like the communication between that part of the brain and my bowel is off. It just shuts down in a knot and my muscles cannot relax, even if I try them to. As soon as he leaves I run to the bathroom and am immediately relaxed. He has never done anything wrong to make me feel this way. I already explained to him that I have "shy blatter" but for nr. 2, however I just learned about this being a real problem for more people. Can't say I'm happy about other people experiencing this bizarre and unconfortable fear, but I sure feel less alone! I decided to write something after I saw that a lot of older people still suffer from this. I hope eventually I'll be able to get over it. I'll start by explaining all this to him, and hopefully it won't be TOO weird
. But it can't be weirder than what recently started to happen: since I'm always too stiff and constantly contracting my muscles to not let a fart go, to the point that it hurts SO FREACKING MUCH, at night when my body relaxes and I'm falling asleep, it becomes humanly impossible to hold it any longer (imagine this after two/three/four days without pooping or farting) and I fart in bed. He's very polite and always acts like he's sleeping. Imagine my embarassement!! And I'd also like to add how much this can affect your mood or even how confortable you are; you can't really be 100% ok while a part of your brain and body is actively thinking/working on this, plus the pain it causes! Everything becomes overthought: the loose clothes I'll have to wear so I'm not in even more pain with tight pants; the coffee I won't drink because we all know how that goes; the position I'm sitting so my belly doesn't hurt so much and make so much noise..... Well, I just wanted to share this with you guys! I feel your pain and you are understood!