Season 3; Episode 17; Night Out
Original air date: 13 March 1990

I should start off by saying that I'm watching episodes completely randomly. I'm not seeking out the most egregious episodes. I went to Youtube, typed in "Wonder Years" and this was the first full episode in the results. All sides of the screen were cropped to try to avoid copyright algorithms.

Winnie and Kevin are a couple now. I guess that this became "official" in a previous episode.

Enter Robbie Hudson. This is a character who hasn't been seen before or since in the series. He's a smooth 9th grader and he's throwing a "make out party". He invites Winnie and Kevin, as they're the "new couple" in the school.

This encounter takes place in the school cafeteria. Also there are big nose Jew Paul and his girlfriend Carla as well as the supremely unpleasant Craig Hobson (who appeared in 10 episodes of the series before mercifully making a quiet departure) and his girlfriend. They're all invited, although Paul and Carla are somewhat reluctantly invited.

Let's recap. Kevin has a girlfriend. Paul has a girlfriend. Craig Hobson has a girlfriend. THEY'RE ALL IN THE 8TH GRADE!

When I was a lad, I wasn't aware of even one boy in the 8th grade who had a girlfriend. Not one. Maybe one or two of the more popular girls had boyfriends. MAYBE. Big maybe.

But in Robert F Kennedy Jr High, all the 13 year olds are dating. Even unpopular Jew Paul Pfeiffer. Even sleazy, unattractive douchebag Craig Hobson.

One can argue that Kevin might be dating Winnie because they're been friends for many years by this point and Kevin is a reasonably popular kid. But it doesn't ring true to me that 8th graders are dating.

I bet that Fred Savage, even with his millions from the Princess Bride and whatever, wasn't dating at 13. But his character is. It's ridiculous.

So they're all invited to this party. Then there's much back and forth about whether or not they're going to go because it's a "makeout party" and they're apprehensive about the implied making out which will be required.

Makeout parties are a television trope. But do they exist in real life? I've never heard of one.

Full disclosure: I've never been to a party. So I don't know. Maybe this stuff does go on.

Actually, thinking about it, I was privy to a conversation wherein it was revealed that a former female classmate of ours was at a party and was "fingered" with three fingers and then told, "Get off me, you fat bitch."

I can't vouche for the veracity of this tale, but this is what I was told. But I was told this in the 10th grade.

Let me do some research. The Urban Dictionary defines "make out party" as "A colloquial term from the sixties and seventies used to describe middle school boy/girl parties where kids would play such games as spin the bottle and seven minutes in heaven."

Yeah, well, maybe. I've heard of both of these games. I'm sure that spin the bottle has been played at least once in the course of recorded history. Maybe even Seven Minutes in Heaven.

Let me try "do makeout parties exist". No, I'm not seeing any relevant results. This is about adult parties, gay shit, and adolescent parties where people get drunk. Not a single mention of people going to a "makeout party".

Somebody on Reddit asks if sex parties happen in American univesities and the answers are basically, "No, they don't happen." Yes, sex is different from making out but it's all amorous activity. So if they're not happening in university, are they happening in the 8th grade?

So I don't think that these parties exist or have ever existed. Yes, maybe at some point, somebody had a party where couples were invited to go into a room and "make out". But it never happened on the scale that television will have you believe.

How would this even be entertaining? "Okay, you two go in that room over there and kiss each other." What are the rest of guests doing? "Oh, baby, those two are maybe kissing in that other room now...it's so hot." It's crazy. There is absolutely no entertainment to be mined from this. It's not happening.

So another painfully unrealistic episode of The Wonder Years. All of these 13 year olds have a girlfriend and they're all going to "make out parties". It's absurd.

Here I was as a 13 year old saying, "Why don't I have a girlfriend? Why aren't I going to makeout parties?"

Well, for starters, young Baron, because makeout parties DON'T EXIST. Secondly, very few 13 year olds have girlfriends. Don't base your achievements or lack thereof on a fictional television show. You might as well be angry at the Tanners because you don't have an extra-terrestrial puppet living with you. Or Arnold Jackson because you never met Mr T.