I should say that Air Zonk is a game released in 1992 for the Turbo-Grafx 16. I had it as a kid and played it many times. I beat the game probably 50 times. It's a short game. It's a side scrolling shooting game but you play as a cyborg instead of the usual spaceship and you shoot weird shit.
The normal game mode allows you to play with a computer-controlled teammate (if you get a powerup) and if you collect two powerups, you merge with your teammate and become extra powerful.
But there's also an "alone" mode where you don't get these AI teammates. Instead, you get generic plane/car/tractor powerups that do different things.
The game is perhaps marginally more difficult in "alone" mode. But in the last level, a level which comprises at least half of the total play time of the game, you don't get these AI teammates anyway. And the early levels are easy enough that you don't need the AI teammates.
So as I say, it's harder on "alone" mode but just a teeny bit. The main reason I and everybody else on earth plays on normal mode is because it's just more fun to be able to morph with these guys in the early levels and be invinsible for a little while and whatever.
But I have played "alone" mode in my youth. I apparently never beat it on that mode, though, because I never knew about this different ending. And forget about looking for this different ending on Youtube. Nobody other than this autistic Air Zonk world champion even knows about this alternate ending.
In the normal ending, you drop a bomb on King Drool's spaceship, which detonates when he's in outerspace. Then he runs out, and says, "I'll be back".
In the "alone" ending, all your teammates join you, they beat up the spaceship, it's destroyed before takeoff, and King Drool simply runs to the moon (from earth) and the moon then breaks into two pieces. Then you and your teammates are seen flying back home.
It's weird because why would the "alone" mode, a mode where you don't play with these teammates, involve your teammates suddenly showing up and destroying the rocketship? That should be the ending for the normal mode. The "alone" mode should have the normal mode ending where you blow up the spaceship by yourself with the bomb.
Maybe they made a misteak. Who knows? The normal ending certainly makes more sense, though. And it's more cinematic.
I also discovered a few months ago that there's a secret harder mode in Air Zonk. I played it and I don't really remember what made it harder but I don't think that they had more enemies or anything interesting like that. Maybe they just took more hits or something.
Anyway, good to learn something new about a nearly 30 year old video game.
In other news, I'm downloading every Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode for preparation of my hopeful move. I gave notice so hopefully everything works out. I haven't signed the contract yet and there were some weird questions from this referencing company about my tax return.
But yeah, you never have the interent when you first move into a flat, which is bullshit. It can take up to a month. Perhaps longer. You have to give them so much notice and their electricians or whatever are always booked way in advance.
Here's my idea: don't disconnect the phone lines when somebody moves out. It seems like common sense. But they obviously do this to make money on the reconnection fees.
So anyway, I need something to watch. Every MST3k episode should be sufficient. Last time, I had every Wonder Years episode. I got through the first...I don't know...two seasons at least. Then the internet was connected and I no longer had to watch that totally unrealistic bullshit.
I think the last episode I watched was the one where Kevin meets that annying girl at the beach who calls Kevin "brown eyes". She's a head taller than him. Come on. I'm supposed to believe that this girl is attracted to little Kevin Arnold?
Suspension of belief is one thing but it has to be rooted somewhere in reality. And everybody has a girlfriend in like the 7th grade. Even nerdy Jew Paul Pfeiffer. It's absurd. I didn't know ONE person who had a girlfriend in the 7th grade.
And that episode where they all wanted to see vaginas in gym class. They're getting all horned up. It just doesn't ring true. I had no interest whatsoever in seeing a vagina and it was not something that was ever talked about by anyone I've ever known. To this day, I've never met anyone who wants to see a vagina.
But the kids in fictional JFK Elementary School are really getting excited over the prospect of seeing a vagina. Boobs, sure. I can believe that. But a vagina? No way.
Indeed, I can remember in about the seventh grade, there was a news item where a woman does a breast exam. I can't remember if it was print or television news. And a classmate of mine was telling us about this. "You see everything and she does the examination." We couldn't believe it. And it was something exciting. The chance to see some boobs? Great.
I can't remember how he saw that but I do remember a different time when a woman did a breast exam on the televisio news. I think that it was just a local station but it came with a disclaimer that there's going to be nudity. And the woman, who I believe was a doctor, talked about how she wasn't 100% comfortable doing this but for the sake of people's health, she agreed. Then I think she took a boob out, and did the examination. I remember it being a big breast. But generally, it's a pretty hazy memory. And I think I was probably...I don't know...15 when I saw this.
Imagine if it was some kind of gynecological examination. Who would want to see that? I mean, other than the cast of the Wonder Years. Those sick Jew writers.
I don't know. I suppose that you would hear jokes in school about how guys wanted to be gynecologists. But first of all, this was in high school, not elementary school. Secondly, I think that this was just the repeating of old, classic jokes. I refuse to believe that anyone actually wanted to see a vagina.
I mean, I'm not here to rag on vaginas. They're not repulsive. You can put stuff in there. There's no problem. But they're not particularly arousing. Go to a porn site's comment sections and find ONE people saying, "Wow, look at the vagina on her. Hot." It doesn't happen. The only time there's ANY comment on a vagina it's negative. "Ew, she has a huge clitoris. Ew, she has a beat up vagina." Whatever.
Anyway, that's enough about vaginas. No, actually I thought of something else. There are topless bars and fully nude bars. At a guess, I would say that the topless bars outnumber the fully nude bars at least five to one. There's not really huge demand to see vaginas. The topless bars are making plenty of money.
Indeed, the fully nude places are invariably seedy quasi-brothels. That's the only way you can get people into the door. Nobody is going there because they want to see vaginas. They're going there because this is the bar where the strippers will give you a blowjob for an extra $50. And it's generally less attractive women at the fully nude clubs.
Here's an interesting business idea: a bottomless club. The women all wear bikini tops but nothing on their lower half. Such a club would go out of business within days. Nobody wants to see that. Except Kevin Arnold and his weird friends.
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