"...a place where no one has to work and where the drinks flow free. There is an abbey in that land whose walls are formed out of pies, meat and fish, with shingles made of flour cakes, and nails formed from fat sausages. The monks can eat their fill without fear of recrimination. The wellsprings flow with wine, and the ground is made of gold and precious stones. The geese are roasted on a spit and then fly into the abbey crying out to be eaten. The monks themselves are able to fly, and wouldn’t come to evensong at all if the abbot did not call them by spanking a young maiden’s white buttocks like a drum to call them to prayers. The nuns from the convent near the monastery like to swim naked in the river of milk, and the young monks fly over them and pick out the ones with whom they want to have sex—they will have 12 different “wives” a year..."
-As the 1330 Kildare manuscript has it.