@John, yes I think that's right. Beyond a certain point you're just choosing to be offended and completely ignoring the other person in front of you who may be trying to make amends and repair the relationship. Words words words as Roger says. Is it so hard to look at the human being who's speaking and trying to understand the intention behind the words? I do it myself when getting into arguments over email or on here sometimes - you get so transfixed with looking at a particular sentence or phrasing that it takes on a life of its own. Divorced from context and without checking in with the other person to see if that's really what they meant their words turn into a dragon that you have to slay, but from their perspective you're just attacking them out of the blue over nothing.
And yes, if you develop all these in-group codes and speech orthodoxies then no outsider has a chance and eventually the whole thing turns toxic when nobody is capable of walking the tightrope of Acceptable Speech without somebody being able to find something Offensive to melt down over. And of course it turns into a massive class divide which docs like the ones above perpetuate even as they claim to be trying to combat it.
Q: What were you doing as the world burned?
A: I was purging my speech of every possible form of micro-aggression and then griping at others for not doing the same. Unfortunately not enough people joined in enthusiastically enough with the revolution to make it work. Oh well, we tried...