https://www.normalisland.co.uk/p/counter-terrorism-police-focus-on
I bet this makes you feel safer
Aug 29, 2024

Following a spate of arrests in the UK, British counter-terrorism police have announced they will no longer tolerate opinions the government doesn’t like, primarily criticism of Israel.

Asking why the government is determined to protect Israel is now a “hate crime” and feeling a twinge of empathy for Palestinians is a “thought crime”. Expressing firm disapproval of British politicians counts as a “death threat” and mentioning any of the prime minister’s 357 U-turns is “misinformation”.

In the latest police crackdown, two journalists have been arrested for criticising Israel and a bunch of ordinary people have been targeted for their dodgy opinions. Excitingly, police battered the shit out of a man in Basingstoke, following reports he looked suspiciously “Middle-eastern”. Turns out he was white British but had sat in the sun too long. Nevertheless, the man is being held in custody under suspicion of having unreasonably dark skin. I hope they send the bastard back to where he came from.

A woman was arrested in Liverpool for saying “Netanyahu is going a bit too far, isn’t he?” and a manhunt is underway for a terrorist who said he doesn’t like “seeing Palestinian children suffering horrible injuries”. Not only was this considered hate speech, it was also misinformation because the BBC has explained that Palestinian children probably can’t feel pain and therefore don’t matter. Plus, Israel has the right to bomb children in self-defence, and when they do, we sensibly avoid naming the killer. This is why mainstream media is more trustworthy than social media.

Unfortunately, the BBC let its standards slip by reporting a Palestinian blogger was killed by an “alleged Israeli airstrike”. This was stupid because everyone knows only Israel is doing airstrikes in Gaza. The correct approach was to pretend the blogger was a Hamas terrorist and it was okay to wipe him off the face of the earth.

I can confirm the BBC journalist who wrote the headline has been reported to counter-terrorism police. I’m told his front door will be broken down at 6am tomorrow morning while his kids are sleeping. It’s only what he deserves for making Israel look bad.

To help you avoid making the mistake of the BBC journalist, a website has been set up by the government, detailing acceptable opinions. You will be reassured to know some of them differ ever-so-slightly from one another because pluralism matters.

For example, you’re allowed to say you fully support genocide (when Israel does it), but you are equally allowed to say this issue is “too complicated” for a simpleton like you to understand. Neither of those opinions will get you in trouble.

Surprisingly, you are allowed to criticise the government, but only if you think they are not going far enough.

For example, you could say you support austerity, but that it needs to be even more brutal. You cannot say you oppose austerity, but you are allowed to pretend austerity is not happening. Denial is fine, however, if you suggest austerity is based on economic illiteracy or wilful cruelty, you are guilty of a hate crime.

A mixture of opinions will help muddy the waters so feel free to argue with others, as long as you’re staying within acceptable parameters. If the person you’re arguing with goes too far, always ensure you report them to the police. Thought criminals need to be dealt with robustly.

Anyone who strays from pre-authorised opinions risks up to 14 years in prison and a lifetime ban from social media. Thankfully, the UK is not alone in taking such sensible steps because the European Union has joined us in taking action against “toxic behaviour and misinformation”.

“Misinformation” includes things like telling the truth about Hunter Biden’s laptop and “toxic behaviour” includes saying Macron should respect the French election results.

Mark Zuckerberg let slip that western governments have pressured Meta to remove factual information and satire from its platforms. It’s just as well that serious reporters like me never tell the truth, otherwise we’d be buggered, wouldn’t we?

If you were under the impression this censorship was all Zuckerberg’s idea, remember the Biden administration accused Facebook of “killing people” and were ready to give Zucks the Julian Assange treatment, unless he behaved. This was in no way a violation of the first amendment.

Here is a feel good story for you: since the US started threatening to steal TikTok from its owners, it has become one of the good platforms. For example, it has been censoring the likes of journalist Chris Hedges for “hate speech” because he criticised Kamala Harris.

The collective effort of the West should hopefully force social media companies to remove troublemakers, but if any slip through the net, counter-terrorism police are ready and willing to deal with them. You might be forgiven for thinking the role of counter-terrorism police is to track down the terrorists who make bombs, but not anymore. They now track down people who have bad takes online. I bet that makes you feel much safer.

As someone who loves, and heavily praises, the establishment, I will never be in their sights because I’m one of the good ones. If you’re not one of the good ones, I have no sympathy for you, but it’s not too late to change your ways. Just ensure you follow the rules and you will not be jailed, but we might use tweets from when you were 16 to stop you getting a job. Nobody should be allowed to forget saying stupid things when they were a teenager. It’s important we have a society of robots.

The government’s Good Think website has published a number of sensible steps to program the public and stop them from diverging from group think. Here are my favourites:

Social media users must pledge allegiance to neoliberalism when they open an account.

Social media companies must quadruple the likes of government ministers to make them look popular.

All memes must be vetted by the Ministry of Truth prior to publication.

All bloggers must register with the government and wear an electronic tag on their ankle.

Police dogs will be set on anyone who calls Rachel Reeves a red Tory.

Perhaps the greatest plan is to abolish end-to-end encryption and get rid of online privacy once and for all. Not only does this mean your data will no longer be secure, but bored intelligence agents can access your webcam to keep children safe. If you don’t like bored intelligence agents accessing your webcam, I’m going to assume you oppose child safety.

If, like me, you were concerned censorship efforts are not going far enough, you will be relieved to hear British lawyers are threatening to take action against the chief prosecutor of the International Criminal Court. Also, it appears the ICC is dithering on arrest warrants for Netanyahu and his accomplices because its judges are being blackmailed by Mossad.

It’s not just journalists, bloggers, social media users, and your neighbour who’s had a few too many who need to be censored, it’s the judges at the world’s highest court. This is because western democracies value freedom of speech, unlike the bad countries where people have the wrong religion and/or skin colour. We’re much better than them, aren’t we?