Usually I feel like I can cope with reading details of the west's latest atrocities, because I'm primarily motivated by finding out the truth and dispelling the lies that get pumped out by the media & those in power. There's a kind of rush that comes from finding out what's really going on and I enjoy the process of piecing together the evidence that adds up to radically different narratives to those we get spoonfed by the dominant culture. I wonder if I spend so much time on TLN because of an addiction to that feeling, as well as the degree of comfort that comes from people not reacting like I'm insane for venturing these points of view. That's probably not entirely healthy, especially if it doesn't result in anything productive or any material changes to my life or the lives of others as a result.

My partner asks me what's the point of finding out all this depressing information and getting miserable because of it (she notices more than me, probably because I'm in denial about it) if nothing changes as a result, and especially considering there's no immediate connection to my day-to-day existence. I don't have answers I find particularly persuasive. You could say it's valuable to find out what's happening to Palestinians if only to know how power operates so you're ready when the same measures get implemented over here. Or that it's about international solidarity really and compassion for the oppressed (which I find hard to do meaningfully for people who live thousands of miles away and whom I will likely never meet). There's a sense of duty to at least be a witness to the suffering going on, even if it hurts, when nobody else seems to give a sh!t But then why them and not, say, poor people living in the next town over, about whom I manifestly don't feel the same duty to find out about and help if I can? Don't know.

Maybe the lack of connection to meaningful activism is the reason for increased depression? Hard to do when out in the sticks, and you have to wonder about the value of spending a day to go to one of the major cities, attend a rally and go home again. I've been doing that all my adult life and can't in all honestly say that it made the slightest bit of difference for any of the various causes, except to maybe make me feel better. Not really the point, is it?! Palestine Action are doing good things and I try to boycott companies on the BDS list, but again, where's the evidence that it's making a difference?

The above all reeks of privilege, no doubt. For the Palestinians, Lebanese, Iranians, Syrians & Yemenis, including their families who may live in western countries, there's no choice about whether to be active or not in opposition to the crimes of Israel & the west, and it wouldn't matter if their actions were effective or not because ultimately it's about defending the people they love, so of course they're going to come to their aid no matter what, even if their efforts are doomed to failure.

Maybe our responsibility, as people born & raised in western countries, is not the same kind of resistance - defense of people & places we don't know & never will - but rather stopping the offense being carried out 'in our name' because it will have a direct bearing on the kind of society we live in and who we are as a result? Finding out about the atrocities can provide the outrage to drive that kind of resistance, and wouldn't feel futile and self-defeating in the same way.

That's my thinking anyway.

cheers,
I