https://www.normalisland.co.uk/p/trump-considering-regime-change-war
Laura
and Normal Island News
Nov 05, 2025

New Yorkers have caused dismay and bemusement in the White House after forgetting how democracy is supposed to work. They have only gone and voted in their self-interest, instead of letting the worst people imaginable tell them how to vote. Terrifyingly, Americans are about to discover that mild social democracy works pretty well. I think I’m gonna be sick…

If you don’t know what I'm banging on about, Zohran Mamdani has become the first New Yorker since 1969 to win over one million votes in the mayoral race with 12% of votes still to be counted. An investigation is underway at ICE to figure out why no one has deported the scary brown Islamist.

Zohran is an extremist who wants to introduce Sharia law and force New York’s women to wear burkas. Well, apart from his beautiful wife who wears really cool clothes, actually. Zohran wants to redistribute wealth from the rich to the poor which is exactly the wrong way around. But the biggest issue is that he doesn’t support Israel’s genocide, and is still hugely popular with young Jews.

Propagandists like myself tried so hard to convince you that Zohran wants to fly planes into skyscrapers and turn Walmarts into mosques, but no one believed us. It’s almost like the most insanely racist propaganda campaign ever was a bad idea.

Thanks to our propaganda failure, New York is facing a slightly higher tax rate for corporations and millionaires. An awful lot of rich people are going to bed tonight, knowing this will have no negative impact on their lives, but their fellow citizens will have things slightly easier. This is filling millionaires with a rage you can’t fucking imagine.

Sadly, not everyone is empathising with their plight. Scarily, Mamdani has won over some wealthy conservatives like Joe Rogan who said he would vote for him. Comedian Dave Smith was also singing his praises. It looks like integrity resonates with the people who are finally noticing their guy Trump has none.

Truly, this is a dark day for the ruling class. Twenty-six billionaires generously spent $22 million to ensure New York had a mayor that represented the people who matter, and they failed. The fact this comes at a time when we are mourning our favourite war criminal, Dick Cheney, is a heavy body blow.

Republicans, Democrats, Musk, Trump, and all of the nicest billionaire donors wanted New Yorkers to vote for the corrupt sex pest who harassed 13 women because that’s how politics works. If you haven’t been involved in a sex crime, you can hardly call yourself a politician, can you?

As every sensible person knows, democracy is when you choose a sex pest who will mercilessly exploit the working class and be handsomely rewarded by donors. This is how western democracy has always worked and it’s how it was always supposed to work. However, New Yorkers did not get the memo.

New Yorkers decided that democracy means representation for the people. New Yorkers decided that things like food and rent should be affordable. New Yorkers decided they know better than the wealth hoarders who think they can tell you what to do because they won at capitalism.

New Yorkers failed to consider the feelings of hardworking billionaires, such as Elon Musk who is crying at his laptop, wondering how his purchase of Twitter did not swing the election in his favour.

HE TOLD YOU THE CORRECT CHOICE IN SEVERAL TWEETS, PEOPLE.

New York is now facing the kind of dystopian nightmare Keir Starmer is protecting Brits from with mandatory ID cards and mass surveillance. Obviously, no sensible person would vote for dystopia, but New Yorkers have been brainwashed by extremists like Ms Rachel into believing in ideas like “kindness”.

All I can say is I hope New Yorkers enjoy their Islamist buses and commie food stores and aspiration-killing childcare while they last because the White House is considering drastic action. An emergency meeting in the Department of War led to a plan usually reserved for oil-rich countries in the Middle East and Global South: regime change.

If Mamdani does not utter the words “Israel has a right to defend itself” three times a day, every day, Trump will give him 48 hours to surrender. If he fails to make way for rightful New York mayor, Juan Guaido, the USS Nimitz will start bombing affordable apartment buildings across the five boroughs.

Okay, technically, there aren’t any affordable apartments in New York, but Zohran wants to freeze rents so they don’t become even less affordable. Obviously, the only way to liberate those tenants would be to murder them. It’s about time Americans were reminded what American freedom tastes like