https://www.normalisland.co.uk/p/if-you-thought-the-epstein-stuff
Normal Island News
Feb 03, 2026

Now you’re gonna think I’m making this story up, but you should know I don’t write satire anymore and this one is 100% factual, like everything I write these days. By the time you’re finished reading, you’re gonna think I need a psychiatric evaluation though!

It turns out that while Epstein was raping and torturing girls, he had a positive goal: he wanted to give his victims supernatural abilities! I told you you would think I’m making this shit up…

In an email exchange with Gino Yu, a professor in consciousness studies and human development, Epstein spoke about designer babies and human clones and their potential to change the world. He also discussed how the trauma caused by sexual exploitation could imbue supernatural powers.

I have to be honest, I found this confusing. Surely, Epstein realised that the moment his girls got X-Men powers, they would use them against him? I must assume he was either stupid or had an MK Ultra mind-control program. Given the number of other conspiracy theories that have come true, I’m going with the latter.

Perhaps Epstein succeeded in turning some of these girls into super spies and was using them to scare the likes of Keir Starmer. Come to think of it, this makes perfect sense! Why else would Starmer always look terrified of opening his mouth? Clearly, the beautiful super spies got to him.

Epstein spoke of using things like LSD, hypnosis and trauma to unleash gifts that could be used for espionage and seduction with “amnesia barriers”. All this leaves no doubt that Little St James was like Professor X’s School for Gifted Youngsters, only with a paedophile ring as cover. Just remember, you heard it here first…

Some have connected Epstein’s comments to unregulated labs funded by his associates which experiment on children without oversight. Presumably, these are the factories where Erica Kirks are made, and their latest product is Kash Patel’s girlfriend. How else do you explain that relationship?

It appears Epstein’s honey trap operation was more powerful than we ever imagined and it’s all thanks to Ba’al. No, not the demon from semitic mythology, worshipped by some as Lord of the Heavens! I mean the name of Epstein’s bank account. Obviously, Ba’al is a perfectly normal name for someone who sacrifices children to choose! Epstein’s niece Anya Wick has confirmed on podcasts that her family worships Ba’al, and if you think this is weird, just know that opposing demon worship is a hate crime.

Now while worshipping demons and imbuing people with supernatural powers seems like super fun, I must, for legal reasons, point out there is a dark side. Epstein did sickeningly cruel things to children that are most definitely against the law.

Please don’t go burning anyone with magnifying glasses, even if you have the noble intention of turning them into Rogue or Storm. I don’t want to be accused of encouraging this shit. If you want to give people super powers, please do it the normal way. Let them get bitten by a radioactive spider or something…