The top snooker players are monsters. As are the top pro cyclists. They'll do anything and go anywhere for a bob.

I know they all have very short careers but, Jeez, how much money do they need. They're all fecking millionaires.

And then there's the golfers! Rory McIllroy being king of the morons. All my fellow Irishmen will be up in arms at my attitude. Lest I interfere with their basking in the illusion of reflected glory!

I took back to Ireland once a copy of the Sunday Times Rich List. The guys were delighted, proud even, at seeing the separate list of rich Irish thieving motherfeckers! They thought my attitude left something to be desired.