- The "High Risk" interrogation
Posted by Keith-264
on July 8, 2025, 12:52 pm
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https://anotherangryvoice.substack.com/p/the-high-risk-interrogation A musician goes through the new BBC process to weed out "high risk" performers [satire] Another Angry Voice Jul 08, 2025 Woman in sharp suit: "Good morning! Welcome to your BBC ‘high risk’ interview. I’m Karen. I’ll be your interrogator for today" [forced smile] Musician: "What’s this all about?" "Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s all very simple and not at all some kind of fascist process to eliminate degenerate art and silence non-conformism. There are no right and wrong answers, just be honest and this whole process will be over in a few short minutes" [forced smile] [confused and worried look] "I don’t understand" "Look it’s all very simple. We tried to cancel an Irish rap group from appearing on the BBC for thoughtcrime, but then a load of other musicians did thoughtcrime, so now we’ve set up a new process to predetermine whether musicians, artists, actors, or other creatives pose a ‘high risk’ of thoughtcrime, so we can ban them from ever appearing on the BBC" [worried look intensifies] "Should we begin?" [extremely impatient tone] [nods head] "You must answer all questions verbally, otherwise your answer will be recorded as a no … unless yes is harmful to your case, in which case it’ll be recorded as a yes. Do you understand?" [nods head again] [furious stare] "Err, yes" [hurriedly] "Have you ever publicly expressed solidarity with Palestinians?" "No, I don’t really follow politics" [making notes] "Have you ever felt pity for Palestinians in private?" "Well, I don’t like seeing all of the pictures of dead children and dismembered babies I’ve been seeing on social media for the last couple of years. I feel sad for the parents, and the people who have to pick up pieces of dead children. It’s pretty disturbing, right?" [Making more notes] "I’ll ask the questions, you stick to giving answers. Do you understand?" [almost nods head again] "Err …yes" "I see here that you once shared a gif of Michael Rosen saying ‘noice’. Is this correct?" [handing over a printout] "I don’t remember doing that, but it’s a pretty common meme, right?" [Furious stare] "It’s a pretty common meme" "And do you think Michael Rosen is a good Jew or a bad Jew?" "What?" "This is getting tiresome. Just answer the question. Good Jew or bad Jew?" [panicking] "I don’t know about good Jews and bad Jews. I don’t know anything about Michael Rosen except he writes kids’ books and he did the “noice” meme. He’s a children’s author and entertainer. That’s good right? So good Jew?" [making more notes] "Have you ever publicly criticised Israel, the United States, the United Kingdom, or any of the United Kingdom’s other international allies?" "I don’t think so. I try not to bring politics into my music or my social media" "Good … I do have a few more questions about your problematic social media posts though" [hands over another sheet of paper] "Did you, or did you not post six Scotland flags, a thumbs up, and several celebration emojis on October 9th 2021 in response to an article about an Israeli defeat?" [looking intently at the printout] "Yes, well Scotland won 3-2. I’m Scottish. I was happy" "Ah, so you’re proud to be Scottish rather than British are you?" "Can’t I be both?" [a look of pure rage and contempt] "Are you a supporter of the Scottish independence movement?" "Well, it’s complicated, there are pros and cons. I guess I’m undecided" "Undecided is not an appropriate answer. Yes or no?" [quizzical look, trying to guess the correct answer] "Erm … No?" "Good! Now let’s move on” [hands over another printout] “On October 16th 2022 you posted a meme making an unkind comparison between the Prime Minister Liz Truss and a lettuce. Is this correct?" "Yes" "And do you consider this provocative act a criticism of the UK government?" "Everyone was doing it!" "I’m not asking about ‘everyone’, I’m asking about you" "I was taking the piss out of Liz Truss. I wasn’t criticising the whole country" [Makes more notes] "Did you support the Iraq war in 2003?" [thinking for a while] "I was 8 years old!" "That is not a yes or no answer" [sternly] "Yes?" [pure guessing at the supposedly correct answer] "Do you support BDS?" "I don’t really like K-Pop" "I’ll record that answer as a no then" [making notes] "Okay?" "Do you think Israel has the right to collectively punish civilians by blockading food, water, electricity, baby formula, and medical supplies?" [Remembering Keir Starmer’s answer to a similar question] "Erm … yes?" "And would you say that you support genocide?" "No" [emphatically] "Are you sure about that answer?" "Am I supposed to support genocide?" [profound exasperation] "Some genocides are bad, and some genocides are good. Could you give me an example of a good genocide?" "Erm … Israel’s?" "Good!" [Hands over another printout of a single thumbs up emoji beneath a Libertines post about the release of a new album in 2015] "Do you regret this example of support for antisemitism?" "I don’t understand" "The Libertines waved a Palestine flag at Glastonbury. You expressed support for this group on social media. Do you agree?" "I posted that thumbs up ten years ago!" "So you do support antisemitism?" "No" "So you retract your support for antisemitism?" "I’ll delete the thumbs up" "Good" "Would you be prepared to delete other problematic posts from your social media?" [hands over a telephone book sized stack of printouts] "I guess so" "And would you be prepared to pledge allegiance to our king and sing the national anthem?" "I guess so" "Go ahead" "I pledge allegiance to the king … can I sing Flower of Scotland?" "No, God Save the King please …" [Sings an extraordinarily awkward a cappella version of the song, getting a couple of the words in the second verse slightly wrong] "Okay, that concludes your BBC interrogation. I’m afraid to tell you that you’ve been deemed a ‘high risk’ performer, so you will not be allowed to appear on any BBC broadcasts for the foreseeable future" "What? Why?" "The profoundly problematic views you have expressed in this interview; your failure to identify a bad Jew; and your hesitancy over simple questions and requests mark you out as a ‘high risk’ performer, and that’s before we even get to your deeply concerning social media output" "I said I’d delete this stuff" [gesturing at the huge ream of printouts] "That will be taken into consideration if you submit an application for removal from the ‘high risk’ blacklist. You can apply for that in ten years from today, so see you in 2035. That concludes your interrogation. Good luck with your career" [dripping in sarcasm] |
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