Posted by MASS OBSERVATION on January 3, 2024, 11:05 am
A moving service the other morning at St George's Cathedral, Southwark. Good to see that Liberation Theology is still going strong. We were particularly impressed by the Prayers of the Faithful....
Cardinal Vincent Nichols: Dear God, we ask you to afflict the criminal Tony Blair with a brain aneurysm that will lead to his slow and painful death. Lord, make those blood vessels bulge out of his head and explode. Lord, hear us.
Congregation: LORD, HEAR OUR PRAYER.
The Right Reverend John Sherrington: Lord, for his worthless, self-aggrandizing autobiography, A Journey, we ask you to make Tony Blair writhe on the floor in contrition, suffering the most exquisite toothache, a pain that exceeds anything he has ever known. Lord, hear us.
Congregation: LORD, HEAR OUR PRAYER.
The Right Reverend Nicholas Hudson: Lord, for his rabid and utterly uncritical support for the rogue Bush administration; for his pitiful, shameless schmoozing and on-screen fellating of the rich and powerful; for his wretched "Institute for Global Change" scam; his shameless apologias for the genocidal regime in Tel Aviv and his key role in the expulsion of thousands of Jews from the defunct Labour Party; for these and a myriad of other disgusting, appalling things that clearly show his craven nature and complete lack of integrity or courage, we pray that when Tony Blair reaches for the phone to call 999 and accidentally dials the number 07741 857381, that he is smitten with the flesh-eating disease "necrotising fascitis/myositis", and that he suffers every single one of the horrific symptoms: fever, severe pain, and a red, painful swelling which spreads rapidly.
Congregation: LORD, HEAR OUR PRAYER.
The Right Reverend Paul McAleenan: Lord, please make the flesh-eating disease spread rapidly through the flesh of Tony Blair at the rate of one inch or almost three centimetres per hour. May he scream in horror as he contemplates the inexorable progress of the necrotising fascitis through his mouldering body.
Congregation: LORD, HEAR OUR PRAYER.
The Most Reverend Peter Anthony Libasci, Bishop of Manchester: Lord, may Tony Blair be afflicted with the final stages of AIDS, and we ask you to ensure that, as he endures the agony-wracked last few minutes of his life, the only thing he hears is Whitney Houston's obscene, tone-deaf desecration of Dolly Parton's classic "I Will Always Love You".
Congregation: LORD, HEAR OUR PRAYER.
The Most Rev. Malcolm McMahon, Bishop of Liverpool: Lord, we ask you that when Tony Blair lies on the floor and contemplates his miserable life, you make him lose control of his bowels so that the last warm feeling he ever experiences is his own shit.
Congregation: LORD, HEAR OUR PRAYER.
Cardinal Vincent Nichols: Oh Lord, hear these heartfelt prayers of Thy people, and grant unto them that some, or preferably all, of their prayers will, through Thy divine will, come to blessed fruition. May that cock-sucking zombie Tony Blair die of intestinal worms. Thy humble servants beseech Thee and praise Thee, forever and ever, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit...