In the biggest scandal of the 21st century, the International Criminal Court has issued a statement insisting international law applies to the leaders of Israel. Disgustingly that statement did not start with the words “I condemn Hamas”.
The ICC announced it is seeking arrest warrants for Israel’s most successful war criminals, Benjamin Netanyahu and Yoav Gallant, but it has not sought arrest warrants for Hamas leaders, even though it has. We’re just pretending it hasn’t so we can let Israel play the victim again. Anyone who disputes this narrative will have their skull split open by a police baton so their conscience can be removed before it causes any further problems.
Understandably, news of the arrest warrants has left supporters of genocide across the world distraught. A man whose favourite hobby is beating up teenagers in the West Bank screamed: “This is an outrage!” A girl who posts dance videos on TikTok whenever a school is levelled in Gaza burst into tears. Suella Braverman and Eve Barlow fainted and nobody came to help them.
Legal experts on Twitter who argued Israel can’t be committing genocide because not everyone in Gaza is dead yet have been left speechless. All those years they spent not going to law school have counted for nothing.
Elon Musk said anyone supporting the ICC will be considered to be calling for the genocide of the people who are committing genocide and will be banned from Twitter. He confirmed this has nothing to do with the pee tapes Mossad has on him.
Sensibly, Israel is weighing up the possibility of nuking the Hague in self-defence. When this possibility was mentioned, both Rishi Sunak and Sir Keir Starmer agreed Israel has a right to defend itself from the ICC, but only if it complies with international law. This made about as much sense as any other statement they’ve made on the matter.
Among the crimes that Israel stands accused of committing are: starvation of civilians as a method of warfare; wilfully causing great suffering or serious injury to body or health; wilful killing; intentionally directing attacks against a civilian population; extermination and/or murder; persecution and other inhumane acts.
The International Criminal Court has decided it has the right to prosecute Israel’s leaders, even though there is zero evidence, apart from the repeated confessions, eye witness accounts, satellite imagery, and live streaming of the genocide on social media, including live streaming by Israeli soldiers.
Yoav Gallant has already explained his “human animals” comment was taken out of context and that from a biological perspective all humans are animals so he was not wrong. Clearly, the ICC doesn’t understand biology. Someone should ask them what is a woman? That question wins any debate.
The ICC says Israel has “systematically deprived the civilian population in all parts of Gaza of objects indispensable to human survival”, but human rights lawyer Sir Keir Starmer advised they have the right to do this. Such a prominent human rights lawyer could never be wrong about something so serious. If he was, this would suggest he was also wrong to pretend Jeremy Corbyn was an anti-Semite so he had an excuse to expel him from Labour.
According to the ICC, it was wrong to cut off water pipes and electricity lines, and it was wrong to kill aid workers and people queuing for food. Next thing, they’ll be saying it was wrong to let those babies die by leaving them to starve in their incubators.
The ICC objected to the “total siege of Gaza” that included completely closing three border crossings and blocking aid trucks. This part left me confused because Twitter accounts that looked real told me it was Hamas who was stopping the aid. I can’t believe these totally real Twitter accounts could get their details wrong, but I’m sure this was a sincere mistake from the Tel Aviv bot farm.
The ICC has irrationally suggested all of the above means there was a plan to use starvation as a “weapon of war” and “collectively punish” the Gaza population. The judges came to this position just because famine is present in some areas and imminent in others and civilians are dying from starvation and dehydration. They explained the highest number of people ever recorded are facing catastrophic hunger, but neither Joe Biden nor Rishi Sunak could figure out why so they decided this is a “humanitarian crisis” like it was caused by an earthquake or tsunami or something. I’m just relieved we’ve had such strong and principled leadership throughout this crisis. Imagine how many people might be alive if we had leaders who opposed genocide.
Disgustingly, the ICC said that although Israel has a right to defend itself, this does not mean it can disregard international law. Israel respectfully disagrees because international law is being redefined by the United Nations which we’ve already established is Hamas.
The ICC argued “no foot soldier, no commander, no civilian leader – no one – can act with impunity”, but they were supposed to add “unless they’re a Zionist”. Anyone who forgets to add those words doesn’t care about the holocaust. I mean the original one, not the latest one.
The only reasonable conclusion we can draw is that the ICC is guilty of a blood libel, that the internationally-renowned human rights judges of the ICC and ICJ are conspiring with human rights groups and charities and the few journalists Israel hasn’t killed because they woke up one day and decided to hate all Jews, even the ones who oppose genocide. This argument makes perfect sense.
The only other possibility is that judges based their position on the available evidence and correct application of international law. Personally, I find this possibility implausible so I’m going to keep screaming: “There is no genocide!” until it all goes away.
In a dig at Senator Ted Cruz and his minions, the ICC insisted that “all attempts to impede, intimidate or improperly influence the officials of this Court must cease immediately.” Ted Cruz is now looking into the possibility of invoking the Hague Invasion Act to rescue himself from prison.
Thankfully, Israel’s lawyers are planning a robust defence in which they are going to accuse the judges of the ICC and ICJ of being Hamas. If that doesn’t work, they will ask Google and Facebook for their IP addresses so they can give those judges the Refaat Alareer treatment. This is because Israel are the good guys.
The ICC argued that unless they applied international law equally, they would be setting the conditions for its collapse. They seem to be missing the point that international law is meant to be a stick to beat countries in the global south and anyone who doesn’t do what America says. International law is not supposed to be “fair” and “reasonable”.
The ICC’s statement closed with the suggestion that all human lives are of equal value, seemingly unaware of the racial hierarchy that puts Palestinians at the bottom of the pile. Anyone who doesn’t understand this is being racist towards the colonisersThe last working-class hero in England.
Clio the cat, ? July 1997 - 1 May 2016 Kira the cat, ? ? 2010 - 3 August 2018 Jasper the Ruffian cat ? ? ? - 4 November 2021
on May 20, 2024, 11:27 pm