In the immediate aftermath of the horrific incident in Liverpool which left 79 people injured, the finest patriots were sure the driver was a foreign Muslim immigrant who doesn’t share our values. Naturally, we were overcome with hatred, not just for the driver but for all foreigners, Muslims and immigrants. What else would you expect us to do?
Instead of taking a moment to reflect on the horror, we jumped online to demand mass deportations, only for police to spoil our hate-fest within an hour by announcing the suspect is white British.
White. Fucking. British.
Bollocks.
Understandably, the announcement caused a period of confusion in which we continued with our racism while we figured out how to proceed. Ordinarily, we are angry that police won’t release the ethnicity of a suspect, but in this case we were livid they did to avoid a repeat of the Southport riots.
You have no idea how many patriots missed out on the chance to break some windows because of the police's selfishness!
No wonder the smartest people came up with a conspiracy theory that police and journalists were pretending the driver was white British to protect Muslim terrorists, because obviously, the British establishment always sides with Muslim terrorists… Unfortunately, this conspiracy theory was making us look fucking batshit so we dropped it.
Our next strategy was to accuse everyone who called out our racism of being “the real racists”. I mean why did they make this about race by pointing out we made this about race?
Thankfully, the people in the media who program your thoughts have found a way forward. You will be relieved that we don’t need to hate all white Brits and hold them collectively responsible for the actions of the driver. That’s a relief, right? It would suck to be on the receiving end of our racism! Only people with the wrong colour/ethnicity/religion deserve that…
Today’s newspapers are rehabilitating the suspect in the same way the US media does when a white guy embarks on a mass shooting. They are reporting that he is a “company director” and a “lovely man” with a “nice family”. They are even speaking to his wife and telling us how upset she is by the whole ordeal, poor thing. If she was Muslim, we’d be stripping her of her citizenship, but she’s not so I want to give her a hug and tell her everything will be okay.
Obviously, we are reiterating that the driver is innocent until proven guilty, and this is perfectly correct, but also something we would never do if he had the wrong, ahem, characteristicsThe last working-class hero in England. Clio the cat, ? July 1997 - 1 May 2016 Kira the cat, ? ? 2010 - 3 August 2018 Jasper the Ruffian cat ??? - 4 November 2021 Georgina the cat ???-4 December 2025
Re: We're saying nice things about the Liverpool driver now that he is white British
on May 29, 2025, 1:57 pm