Andrew Windsor is no longer a prince after the King noticed that his brother is a nonce, many years after the rest of us. King Charles finally discovered the truth after someone shouted at him during a church visit.
At that moment, the King realised that pretending the Epstein scandal was a nothing burger was bad for his public image. He therefore held a meeting with his brother and explained that Andrew keeping his royal title could bring the whole establishment down. Apparently, this would be a bad thing.
The decision was taken after further details emerged of Andrew’s relationship with Epstein, showing just what a loyal friend he was. Andrew sent a lovely email to Epstein after he had served a sentence for forcing a child into prostitution. The conversation involved Andrew meeting a banker called Jes Staley who was forced out of his job, due to his ties to Epstein. Fucking cancel culture.
Andrew was such a loyal friend, he stood by Epstein throughout his troubles, having previously told him, “We are in this together”. He was more than willing to start friendships with Epstein’s accomplices, even after the criminal conviction. That’s loyalty.
The King drew gasps from the Question Time audience when he abruptly stripped Andrew of his “Prince” title, something he didn’t even do to Harry when he committed the cardinal sin of marrying a black woman (much to the dismay of Daily Mail readers).
Obviously, there is a huge moral difference between these two things, but the King couldn’t let the lesser offence slide because this was about self-preservation. He is definitely a man of principle, but I’m not sure he has thought this through.
If we’re admitting the royals don’t have magic blood, and aren’t better than us from birth, the public might start asking why they have birth rights in the first place. If people join the dots, they might realise that our beloved Queen Elizabeth protected her favourite nonce for decades.
It is for this reason I think we should have doubled down and insisted royals can be paedophiles because they are inherently better than us. If we told the public the rules don’t apply to our rulers, half of them would accept this because half the public are idiots. Now, we are left with an almighty mess to clean up…
The biggest concern comes from the people in Carrickfergus, County Antrim, who live in a street called Prince Andrew Way. They are deeply worried their street might be renamed Andrew Way which doesn’t have the same ring to it. Perhaps Nonce Andrew Way would be better.
Northern Ireland also has a Prince Andrew Gardens that leads to Prince Andrew Park. Personally, I think it would be lovely to walk from Nonce Andrew Gardens to Nonce Andrew Park. What about you?
Another concern is what is going to happen to the Queen’s corgis who have been “looked after” by Andrew ever since the Liz Truss polonium handshake. Those dogs have been yelping to be rescued and the RSPCA might finally intervene, now that Andrew is no longer royal.
The King’s muddled approach to the scandal has been so chaotic that Prince Andr… sorry, Andrew’s approval ratings are only 1% above Keir Starmer’s. How is this even possible? Do the public forget Andrew’s mother was friends with Paddington Bear and married her cousin who was a Nazi? Um, actually, ignore that second part! She was friends with an imaginary bear shortly before Liz Truss killed her. That’s what counts.
Andrew might be almost as unpopular as the prime minister who made you upload your face to PornHub, but thankfully, you are still paying him an allowance. If an ordinary person doesn’t have a job, they get £90 a week Universal Credit and must tell the JobCentre every time they take a dump, but being a world famous nonce, Andrew deserves better. We are therefore keeping him living like a prince, even though he is no longer a royal.
Andrew has been so disgraced that he must spend the rest of his days living in luxury in a mansion in Sandringham estate. He has sadly been banned from babysitting his nieces and nephews, although I understand this has been the case for some time.
Fortunately, Andrew will not be investigated for getting MI5 to bump off the woman he raped when she was a child, but it’s unclear if he can reclaim the £13 million that he paid her off with.
Heart-warmingly, Andrew will remain eighth in line to the throne, meaning he is one plane crash away from becoming King. Something tells me he wouldn’t be the first nonce to become King, so I don’t see what the big deal is. He will always be His Royal Highness to meThe last working-class hero in England. Clio the cat, ? July 1997 - 1 May 2016 Kira the cat, ? ? 2010 - 3 August 2018 Jasper the Ruffian cat ??? - 4 November 2021 Georgina the cat ???-4 December 2025
The grand old Duke of York, He had 12 million quid, He gave it to someone he'd never met, And for something he never did."I won't dignify the attacker's words by repeating them, they are horrific and vile."
Re: Andrew Windsor no longer a prince after King notices his brother is a nonce
In 2015 Paedo Bishop Ball was convicted of sexual offences against 17 teenagers and young men: at least one of whom killed himself.
Then of course Charlie was also good buddies with his famous "advisor" Savile ...the "Royal Jester"...and then theres his favourite uncle..." Dickie" Mountbatten and the Kincora boys home...etc.
nmThe last working-class hero in England. Clio the cat, ? July 1997 - 1 May 2016 Kira the cat, ? ? 2010 - 3 August 2018 Jasper the Ruffian cat ??? - 4 November 2021 Georgina the cat ???-4 December 2025
on November 1, 2025, 2:11 pm