I am sorry you are feeling so low. I know what it is to be catless - first i lost my husband, then my last cat Zoe, and then my beautiful dog Bronte - all in a matter of months. I am lucky because I still have Mr D. He is the reason I get up each day. I hpe you are taking care of yourself, I know what it is like to be ill and alone. I don't post much either but do pop by now and then and let us know you are doing OK