I cracked up at the magnitude of the emotions you expressed. I totally get it! I have very clear memories of feeling the exact same way on more then one (or 20!) occasions as I was losing. Those emotions eventually become defused and silenced. But at times, it literally felt like I was walking the gauntlet! I found this image several years ago that really reminded me of how it felt sometimes trying to remain focused on my goal, while everyone and everything around me seemed to have something to say or do to trip me up or discourage me.