Unfortunately though, I have never really been able to use any bathrooms outside of home, no matter where they might be. I just can't convince my gut to do it, and it is very frustrating... I freak out and then it gets worse, because I'll be sitting on the toilet trying to force myself to go through with it, but then I realize that I've spent so much time trying, that it gets awkward sitting there for so long. I end up leaving, disappointed and with an uncomfortable feeling. Now I have recently come to the realization that I am going to college next year, where I might have to share a room with another person, and a bathroom with an entire floor of girls. The bathrooms are pretty open with stalls, so that's even worse. I think that any other fears I have about college are basically eliminated, but this one stays lurking about in my head. I have no idea what I am going to do, because I'm so scared that I'll have problems that will affect a large portion of my lifestyle. Also, I have never really talked to anyone about this problem, except with my boyfriend. I trust him completely, so I tend to tell him everything... even the awkward/embarassing things. I am with him pretty much every day for long periods of time, and to this day, I have only once been able to go #2 when he's been around. We were actually staying in a hotel, and while at the pool, I left to use the locker room restroom when no one was there... I was actually in there panicking for so long, but I willed myself to go, even if it was only a little. I told him what happened, and he tried to understand, but I know that it's impossible for him to fully comprehend what it's like... I guess he thinks it's something I can eventually get over. Plus, he uses the bathroom when I'm around all the time, sometimes even with the door not fully closed, and it doesn't bother him. And even though I'm really comfortable around him, I'm in constant fear to use the bathroom when he's here, no matter how much I tell myself that he would even be HAPPY if I could manage to get over this and just go for it. Well, this summer, we are going on a vacation to my house in Europe for three weeks... alone. It's only March, yet I'm freaking out about what I'm going to do with my problem. There is no way I can hold it in for an entire three weeks without basically destroying my digestive system and being in complete mysery. I know that if I tell him to stay as far away from the bathroom as possible, he'll do it... but I'm so scared about what will happen and how much time I'm going to waste just trying to do something that others take 5 minutes doing. I've been so into this lately, that it's like a constant bug bite trying to itch and remind my brain that I need to find a cure. What's worse is that I've been doing a lot of things outside of home these past couple of weeks that my fear has gotten more prominent. Every time I have to go #2, I hold it in until I get home... and then by the time I'm home, the feeling is gone but I can still feel the heaviness in my stomach. It's gotten to the point where I'm a little constipated and now I have to push and push to get some kind of result. I drink a lot of water and try to eat fiber-rich foods to maintain good BM, but it doesn't help very much. I thank the people who actually took time to read this, I realize it's long, but I have no one else to talk to about this, so if ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE, can help me or tell me how to make this better... let me know. Also, has anyone ever actually been able to completely get rid of parcorpresis? Thank you for the time, any response is welcome.
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