thanks for your text kiki and your honesty. my take would be you need to get very specific about your thought processes around number 2's. you said it makes you feel disgusted to think about them. go into that more. get a piece of paper and write down that sentence and then WHATEVER comes to mind. if you feel its easier to write it as a post on this site do that. the main thing is to become more and more aware - at a conscious level - of your thought processes around defecating . it doesn't have to be rational what comes to mind (and probably it wont be). that for me was the first step.