i myself have both shy bowel and shy bladder ( i'm tempted to write 'had' though i do still have both conditions - i've just done a lot of work on them and they hardly impinge on my life now).
if you want i can make some suggestions as to your recovery but i don't wanna give advice where its not welcome.
interesting story around how you first became self conscious re shitting - especially your dad's friend's comment "when you gotta go you gotta go" - sounds like he was not judging or putting you down - quite the reverse in fact. Difficult not to hear the negatives in life more loudly than the positives though eh?
cheers,
baz
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