awww bud i'm so sorry! you have it worse than me in many ways, but we all on here have our challenges and are "worse" in our own way! I have never wanted to kill myself because of this condition but have definitely been so bothered by it that i've almost gone into a rage, when I wanted to poop but couldn't because there were too many people. I wanted to either beat them up or just wished that i was ****ing normal for once (my thoughts). Just hold tight bud! Eventually, if you work enough at it and are consistent, I believe your symptoms will lessen! in the meantime, just cope the best you can!