I got my lady friend a Steiff Highland cow for Christmas. When she was here, she was always looking at cow-related souveniers. And of course, we saw the real Highland cows. She didn't like any of the plush cows that she saw because the hair wasn't long enough. In the pictures, they tend to have long hair covering their eyes but the real life cows we saw didn't have hair like that. So she think there are different kinds of Highland cows: one with long hair that covers their eyes and one without the long hair. I don't know if this is right or not but I suspect that it's like show cows that have the long the long hair. The hair is groomed and styled to look like that. It's not natural.

So anyway, this Steiff cow also has short hair but I saw it for £30 which was way less than other sites. It turned out to be a German toy company that was the seller so maybe that's why. The retail price was like £60 and that's what everyone else was selling it for.

So I had it sent to her. She seemed mildly pleased. Took some pictures of it.

In reply, she said that she has a gift for me too but she can't post it.

That's the totality of my Christmas 2015 then. A piece of shit vacuum that I'm going to have to sell to hobos who use Gumtree and a theoretical vagina that I don't particularly want.

I mean, I at least appreciate the thought behind my friend's gift. Giving one's pussy away is a nice gesture. But I'd have to pay £130 for the train ticket again and she puts this off to the last minute so I couldn't even use my voucher (which requires that you purchase two weeks in advance) and once she's here then what? Stick my dick in and out a few times, it's awkward, my arms start hurting, the next day my stomach hurts, I get diarhea, it's awful. Plus, I'd have to feed and entertain her. She wouldn't just sit there naked with her legs open in my shitty flat for the duration of her stay.

But yeah, missionary is really awful for the reasons outlined above. Cowgirl is painless but boring. Maybe that's down to my friend.

What I've found effective is the lady on top as in cowgirl but laying on top of me. Then you can just grab her (as an embrace, around the waist, or a couple of handfuls of buttocks) and just pound away that way. So she more or less stays still and then you can go to town. Then when you get tired, you indicate that you want her to work on it. This can still be done from this position, she doesn't have to sit up.

This position most approximates my masturbation position so it's easy going and natural. It's way better than the other two positions. I haven't sucessfully tried others.