Speaking of poop, took a dump this morning. Didn't feel like I had to but I swipe on Tinder in the mornings while on the toilet. So I had time. And in that time, I just decided to start pooping. It's not often that one decides to defecate. You can't just will it. But...that's what happened. Perhaps a bad decision because there was a fair bit of blood on the toilet paper afterwards.

In other news, I got the pay rates for these jobs in Dubai and whatnot.

"£540/day? That's about what I expected. Oh. Wait. That's dollars. $540/day. That's...not so impressive."

That's about £370. A company in London who did the same jobs paid £350. I was living in London at the time. So I could have just taken a short train journey to the court in London OR for £20 more, you can go to Dubai or wherever the fuck. Totally not worth it.

I mean, £20 for all that extra hassle? You're flying to some terrorist-filled shithole on the other side of the world. Twenty pounds extra for that? Total bullshit.

Although...I don't know. I guess for some people, the travel would be a perk. And it's not just Dubai. I was also offered a job in Delhi. They might have other jobs in East Asia.

It just sucks so bad. £370? Should be £500 minimum. I suppose I'm not living in London, though. So £370 goes further. I mean really, I'd still only have to work two days a month to pay all the bills.

And what am I making now for an honest day's work? There's a lot of £79's and that's not even the minimum. Minimum is £63. Most I can realistically make is £110. That's for a full seven hours.

So three times as much as the most I'm making now. Is going to Dubai for one day worth three days of this job? Possibly.

There's also extras. Fifty bucks (£34) a day for food. £75/hour overtime (anything past six hours). Few hundred bucks (couple hundred pounds) for cancellation fees. About £170/day for travel days and other non-work days. 1.5x for working Saturdays and 2x for working Sundays (except in the Middle East where the work week is Sunday to Thursday in which case Fridays and Saturdays get the higher rates).

On the flip side, there's something called a "short day" that pays £265. "Short day" isn't defined anywhere in this document.

There's also an option to work as a guy who just corrects the mistakes of the writer. They're making up to £247/day. Or half that if you're just assisting that person. Which is still more than I'm making in Scotland for doing the primary job that should be paying the big bucks.

And they get the same perks. Eating allowance, overtime is less but in line with the lower pay, travel pay is lower but again it's in line with the pay, same overtime rates, also get cancellation fees. Well...the primary assistant does. Not if you're the assistant to the assistant. That sucks.

This assistant job looks more appealing, actually. You're getting paid less but you're not doing a job that commands high wages. So you get to do some traveling in exchange for doing some non-stressful work.

And of course the flight and hotel are all paid for. Possibly the costs of getting to the airport are also paid for.

So...what are we really looking at here? Assume the best. £370/day. Forget about overtime and food allowance and whatever. I've been offered...five days in Dubai and two days in Delhi for May. That's...£2600. That just doesn't look like it's worth it to me. Seven days for £2600? I was expecting a hugh figure.

I worked seven days in my last month in London and I made £924. It's about a third less. But how much easier was the job? And you're just taking a train for 45 minutes.

Still...£2600 is £2600. That would be more than I ever got paid for a month of work in Scotland.

And if I could this regularly, which is all very much hypothetical because I don't think I'm capable of doing the job anyway, £2600 would go pretty far in, say, the Czech Republic. Actually, I guess it's not bad anywhere in Europe. You can live on it even in London.

But think about some of these Eastern European countries with low costs of living. One bedroom place in Prague is £400/month. That's probably about the same as Glasgow. Disappointing.

Let's try...Helsinki. £700/month. Well, it's reasonable. Can pay the bills at £2600. And you're living in Helsinki.

But I want to find a place really cheap to live in, yet it can't be too isolated because it has to be near an international airport. Let's try Warsaw. £380 again.

Maybe I'm wrong about Eastern Europe being really cheap to live in. Let's just go straight to Thailand. Man. £400 for Bangkok. This has been a disappointing exercise.

I'll have to think about this job, though. I mean, it's money. More money than I'm making. And it would be something to put on the CV. Not that it really matters in this line of work. There's no interviews or anything.