Channel 4 News is really laying it on thick. For those who don't know, there was some attack in London. One person killed. Maybe two.

This was days ago. And there's Jon Snow talking about how we're going to get through it "the British way". Whatever that means.

But most awesome is how they interviewed the spouse of the UK's greatest politician ever: Jo Cox. Yes, Jo Cox was a stateswoman without equal and we're all poorer, having lost her. But what does her death by some crazy old man have to do with Islamic terrorism?

It's probably the most distasteful reporting I've ever seen. Is anyone even talking about this? A guy ran a truck into Parliament, I think. Was there any damage done? Some people got injured and at least one person died but that makes a multi-day news story?

He didn't even fill the truck with some explosive fertilizer or anything. It seems like a spur of the moment thing. No way could they have put much planning into this. "Drive a truck through the gates of Parliament and see how far you can get." That's shit. A 10 year old could come up with something more destructive.

Back to kielbasas. It reminded me of a picture set in the first pornographic magazine I ever bought: Juggs.

Let me tell you, Juggs is disgusting. Even today, I can't look at that shit. I read that Juggs was compiled by gay men who would intentionally include disgusting shit as some sort of sick joke on the heterosexual readership. I can believe it.

The 1996 issue that I have has a pregnant woman, a non-pregnant lactating woman, a woman bending over with a couple of weird fake nipples on her buttocks, the cover girl is billed as "the world's saggiest 19 year old", other just generally unattractive women, and the back cover teases next month's issue with a woman with hairy armpits.

There are exactly two stroke-worthy pictorials: one with big tit porn legend Lisa Lipps and the kielbasa one with Honey Melons and her friend. Possibly a third one: butterface Busty Britanny getting tit-####ed.

You see, in those days, you couldn't show penetration in magazines. Not even oral. So seeing a dick at all was somewhat pushing the envelope. Britanny takes it between her tits and is a milimiter from licking it but that's as far as it goes. I don't even think the guy's hard so there may have also been a prohibition on erections.

But this is about Honey Melons. Hot stuff. I don't even want to speculate on how many ejaculations I had over this pictorial.

Firstly, looking at it today, I always thought that the byline was "more pork sausages, mami". I thought "mami" was like something a French maid would call her employer. Plus there's a mammary sort of pun going on. But looking at it now, it's "man", not "mami".

So the pictorial is below. It starts with a little story. You can read it if you like. It's nothing exciting.

Ms Mellons gets naked almost immediately. What I like is the refrigerator. Not only is it full of kielbasas but there's also a watermelon on top (a reference to her name and tits), some phallic bananas, and a lot of milk (another reference to tits). It's nice attention to detail. Somebody actually went out and bought all of that shit just for the shoot. I don't think people would do that in today's world of gonzo porn. There's no budget for that sort of thing.

Then she plays with the kielbasas for a bit. Then the whip cream (which I don't think was even in the refigerator) comes out. Spreads it on her tits and pussy. She makes a banana split off-camera and decides to put one of the extra bananas in her moouth.

Now the French maid comes in. You're in for it now, Honey. The maid doesn't want to clean this shit up. The maid gets her tit licked, they share a kielbasa, then it's some implied pussy licking both giving and receiving.

Here's what I like: the refrigerator, spraying the whipped cream, sharing the kielbasa and just barely getting a glimse of her right boob, the fact that the other woman isn't well-endowed.

That's a fetish which isn't catered to enough in pornography: big tit/small tit porn. If there's a big tit lesbian scene, it's almost a dead certainty that both women will be well-endowed. But it can be hot when one of them isn't. The smaller woman feels inadequate. She's certainly not the star of that particular porn and she knows it. It's all because the other woman has bigger tits. There's undoubtedly some breast worshipping going on. If done even marginally right, it works.

Here's what I don't like: the tattoo, nothing interesting is actually done with the kielbasas, the messy whipped cream, the pussy spreading.

That's one porn trope that really baffles me. Who wants to see spread vaginas? Must be loads of people because it's an absolutely bog standard pose. "Showing the pink". Hardcore magazines were distinguished by softcore ones by this test. Playboy never had spread pussies. I don't even think Penthouse did. But the lower market stuff all had spread pussies.

So enjoy while you can. I suspect they're be deleted soon: