I'll probably re-install after Christmas, if just to have something to talk about here.

But yeah, that Australian woman. Awful. I just couldn't take it anymore. Here's the conversation from memory:

Baron: Hey (whoever). Are you going home for Christmas?

Autist: Nope. Can't afford it.

Baron: That's alright. I went just went home once since I've been here anad I don't miss it. So what brings you to (city)?

Autist: I get asked that a lot.

(I nearly ended it here but gave her the benefit of the doubt given her autism and tried to explain how conversation works)

Baron: Yeah. I've been asked 1000 times. It's annoying and slightly accusatory but people are just interested and making conversation. I can see moving to London but moving to (city) is unusual.

Autist: I know. It gets old fast.

(I waited about five days to decide what I'm going to do with this)

Baron: This is in the top ten worst conversations I've ever had. Enjoy your Christmas, though.

Then she unmatched me.

A fat, unattractive, impoverished autist in some weird sex relationship with the disabled guy she's caring for thought that she could get away with conversation like this.

If it was a hot chick, okay, she's getting a lot of messages, she can afford to be a dull bitch. It's just the reality. You don't have to be interested in such a person who only has huge tits to offer but loads of other dudes will be. But this woman?

I read an interesting comment on Reddit recently. I had to do a double take to make sure it wasn't something that I had written.

Anyone else feel like they're always the ones asking questions and driving the conversation?

I just don't get it.

I match with quite a few girls and I've also gone out with a fair number as well. However, it seems that 99% of the time I feel like I am driving the conversation. Rarely if ever does a girl ask ME a question about MYSELF. I always feel like I am asking the questions and that I am the only one who cares.

Maybe this is true, but why then do so many people swipe right who seemingly have no interest in talking? I refuse to be a dancing monkey for these girls who no doubt have hoards of guys texting them at any given time. Maybe that's just the game and I don't feel like playing it?

It's not so much that I don't think I can be successful on Tinder, at least some of the time (if success means getting a date), but I just don't feel like playing this bullshit game in which I feel like I have to debase myself to get the attention of someone. What I find asinine is that many of the girls who I perceive to have this attitude are not overly attractive anyways. I just don't fucking get it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/4d9ull/anyone_else_feel_like_theyre_always_the_ones/

That guy gets it. He also recently posted a disgusting message about his bleeding anus after taking a dump.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/9dp6pb/nsfw_this_one_is_nasty_and_i_apologize_but_my/

I'm starting to get concerned, frankly. Maybe this is like a parallel universe version of me.

He also posts about all of the sex that he's getting and that he has herpes, though. So now I feel better. That guy isn't me.

But yeah, he captures the feelng of using Tinder perfectly. The women give you shit conversation, never ask you anything, and you feel like you're a dancing monkey trying to entertain them. And these are REALLY UNATTRACTIVE women that you're doing this for.

Why would anyone want to do this? And why do the women seem oblivious as to how to have a conversation? All they have to do is add, "what about you?" to the end of their answer. It's not complicated.

Baron: Are you going home for Christmas?

Normal Person: Nope. I can't afford it. What about you?

See how easy this is? Now you're having a conversation. Now you're showing an interest in somebody. Now you're not being a complete narcissist.

In other ruminations, I was thinking recently about how my dad used to hug us before he went off to work. I hated it and didn't return the hug so he'd always make a joke about me giving good hugs, which just made the whole thing more painful and awkward.

But looking back, it illustrates that he was a good person and tried to be a good father. I mean, this is normal. It's normal to hug your kids and try to create a sort of family environment. My mother never did this. Never hugged anyone.

What to do with a child who doesn't want to hug you back? I'm not sure there's anything that can be done. Seems a bit weird to have to explain to a child how a hug is supposed to work but perhaps I needed that sort of lesson. There were a lot of basic social things that I just didn't know.

I was very withdrawn. If I had more confidence in social situations it would have helped immensely. But how to get that confidence? I don't know.

My sister used to tell me about eye contact and shit but I was already like 20 when she's telling me this so I'd tell her to shut up. On the one hand, she was right, on the other hand, I thought she was a bitch.

Maybe there was a better way to explain. Maybe I needed way more help than I could reasonably have received. Maybe it's just how I am and not much could have been done.

It's about taking charge of a situation and having the confidence to do it. I'm better now. To give a small example, going to the grocery store. I used to dread having to say hello to the cashier and she tried to make any conversation, forget it. So I'd avoid eye contact and wouldn't say hello unless she did. But that became awkward because sometimes she wasn't sure if she should say anything or not.

Now I figure, I'm older than this person, it's my responsibility to say hello. So I always initiate. And if they start talking about if I've just finished work or whatever, I'll engage and ask them about their job and have a little chat.

I went to the kebab shop recently. Guy asks if I'm from England because of my accent. I say no, the US. He says that a customer of his (who was standing nearby) recently went to the US. This guy was looking away and clearly didn't want to engage. But I asked the guy where he went and he said Florida and I said that that's nice.

The guy was awkward, didn't want to talk to strangers, and I get it. But I tried to have a little talk since this kebab man was trying to initiate a conversation.