A lot of messages toward the end of that board's run asking where everybody is. What happened to everybody who used to go to the chatroom?
It just shut down and people went about their lives. I suppose in those days, it was slightly more difficult to keep in touch. You'd need everyone's email or something. And even email providers would come and go. But today, if a site shut down, you can probably find most everyone on Facebook.
I suppose even today when a site shuts down it's easy to lose contact with people. You look at IMDB, for example. There were some psychos there like RobBase who posted incessantly about LONG CANCELLED softcore porn...thing...Up All Night. What's he doing now? Who knows? Maybe he killed himself, maybe he finally got a decent job, maybe he moved to Canada, maybe he got married and has three children.
That's just the nature of life in general. People you work with and shit. You don't keep in touch with them. You see them every day, talk to them, it goes on like this for years, and then when one of you leaves, it's over.
I had a dream where I was visiting my family. Things had changed, it was clearly many years since I left, there were people who I never met before (my sister's children), but they were all the same age as when I left. There were just more of them. I don't know what they look like now so they're just locked into what they looked like 15 years ago.
And there was some hostility with my mother even though I know that she's going to die soon. And the dogs were still alive but then I realised that they can't possibly still be alive. Then I remembered that they died quite a few years ago.
Should I have visited more often? Tough to say. For a long time, I didn't have the money. Even now, spending £1500 or whatever it would be is quite a set back.
The only thing I feel bad about is my nieces. Not seeing my mother or my sisters, I don't care about that. These people didn't help me whatsoever when I was in the country. Had they assisted, I wouldn't have had to leave. My mother was just disgusting and I had to leave to get away from her.
But had they helped with getting a job or just asking how I was. Why aren't I doing any personal hygeine stuff? Why aren't I changing my clothes? Stuff like this. Show an interest. Have some compassion to a member of your family. Maybe things would have been different.
The closest to this was my mother yelling at me to change my clothes and talking about the man from the water department calling about us using a suspciously low amount of water. There was no empathy. It's just hostility to a person who clearly is deeply depressed.
So I don't give a fuck about not visiting those people. But my nieces were nice girls and they missed me and they'd say that they hope I visit again soon and stuff like this. So for their sake it would have been something to do. But on the other hand, how much visiting can I be expected to do? My uncle came to the US once. That's the same number of times that I went. My other uncle never visited. And my aunt never visited.
So by these standards, I did more than they did. You have to do your own thing. My mother and sisters didn't care about me, I don't care about them. This is the dysfunctional environment that my pathetic mother created. Parenting isn't all watching talk shows and watching your son jerk off. Ask any parenting expert and they'll tell you the same thing.
So if family is this unimportant to you, how much less important are people you worked with, or people off of the internet. People just come and go. It's the way of things.
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