I'll tell you something you can't get in London: chicken, cheese, chips, and "salad" wrapped in a pita bread.

I don't want to mention the name of the product because there's apparently only like takeaways selling this thing. I always saw it on my local favourite takeaway's menu but there was no description. I assumed it was some kind of Pakistani delicacy.

No, it's just gross Western Scotland cuisine. I ate it but I turned it into three meals.

I also had their "onion rings". I'm almost positive that these were not onions. Maybe it was some kind of onion paste or something. It had sort of a potato consistency. It certainly didn't taste of onions. So whatever.

I also got a kebab and a samosa. I still have the kebab in the refigerator untouched. I ordered two days ago. And it's a large kebab. It comes in a small pizza box. I also have an order of "fritters" untouched.

So you're getting reasonable value for money but I feel so sick now. You eat this shit and you feel awful. At least I do.

Their curries seem authentic, though. You go the restaurant and it's all Pakistani customers. They didn't give me rice last time so I didn't want to risk getting curry.

Anyway, I should be moving next week. As soon as I find time to sign the lease, I should be able to move in. It's in this development that I used to live in.

I originally was going to move to a different flat in that development. But the idiots who manage that property insisted that I didn't make enough money.

So I then contacted the agent for a property I saw a week earlier. It was more expensive than this other property and, frankly, not as nice in many ways (no dish washer, no integrated appliances, a slightly nice bathroom) but in other ways it was better (only two flats per floor instead of three and on the ground floor instead of the second floor).

Anyway, I was in a bind because I had already given notice to my current landlord. But these jokers wanted me to get a guarantor. Yeah, let me ask my vast network of family in the UK if they'd be willing to be a guarantor for a 40 year old man. It's just ridiculous. STUDENTS are asked for a guarantor. Not grown men.

But I saw that this flat that I saw earlier was recently re-listed. No takers after two weeks. So I called them up and said that I'd be interested but for £50 less than they're asking. They agreed to that.

So I'm still paying £50 more than this other flat, which sucks but...I did get a reduction on rent. Not many people pull this off. And then I looked up selling prices of flats in this development and indeed, flats in the particular building that I'll be moving to are being sold for maybe 30% more. I'm not sure why. The only real difference I see is that it's two flats per floor instead of three. Well, whatever.

Here's some fun irony for you. The property management company or whatever of that flat who wanted me to get a guarantor NEVER ANSWERS THEIR PHONE. It always goes to voicemail and they don't call back. I read Google reviews and overwhelmingly one star reviews and a lot of people mention this refusal to pick up the phone or get back to you.

So after they said that I need a guarantor, I quickly did my taxes for this year. They're not due until January 2020 but these assholes kept insisting that I don't make enough money. So I did the taxes, and I made enough money last year according to their little chart. So I sent my tax return to them.

I got a call yesterday from them. I knew it was them because the number was from the south of England. Why is a company in the south of England managing a property in Scotland? No idea.

So I saw it was them and let it go to voicemail. They want me to call them. I'm not calling them. I'm going to see how long I can string this along.

Also, these idiots never asked me for the £200 "holding fee". They're supposed to do this to take the property off the market and do the credit checks. They took the property off the market and did the credit checks but never asked for the fee, even though it's in their documentation and the letting agent (from a different company) was surprised that I didn't pay it when I told her about this.

Complete incompetence. It's worth an extra £50/month not to deal with morons. Although, I'm sure that the letting agent for the property I went with doesn't have too many advanced degrees either. At least she's local and picks up the phone.

Also, I can always move if I find somewhere better. I set up an email alert for properties in this development. So if I see something really appealing, I can move. No problem. And it would be so easy to move from one property in that development to another. Don't even need a van. In fact, I'd have to be mentally challenged to use a van.

Even in my current situation, I'm a ten minute walk from this new flat so I thought about just walking everything over but...all the furniture? I don't think so. I can move the smaller the smaller stuff in a suitcase, though. Make a few trips. That would make the big move in day easier.

I did move all of my stuff by hand once before, though. It was like a 20 minute walk. Maybe 30 minutes. And I moved everything, including furniture. It was crazy. It took...I don't know...maybe a week? Two weeks? Had to walk over a steep overpass while carrying a heavy futon frame and big cushions and all of this. Not at the same time, of course. But I had to stop a few times during the trip to regain my strength. It was also really emabarassing.

I did it, though. Didn't need a van. Saved £30 or whatever.