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    Re: I quite agree with him Archived Message

    Posted by Jamie on October 1, 2019, 6:25 pm, in reply to "I quite agree with him"

    As do I. This piece is especially pertinent, I feel.

    "The initiation of more intimate physical contact is the most critical point in the complex courtship rituals of developed human societies. To insist that verbal agreement must always be sought before a move to kiss or an exploratory caress of a leg or a shoulder, is a fundamental change in culture which I am not at all sure is desirable. The essential qualifier is of course that, if the other person either verbally or by action does not welcome the tentative first move, then the initiator must desist immediately. It is my own belief that sex-negative feminism seeks quite deliberately to invalidate perfectly normal heterosexual courtship and that the chattering classes have far too readily adopted this, in the interests of identity politics."

    To that I would add the sheer wonder, excitement and delight deriving from the nervousness of impending acceptance or rebuff. What staid, sterile, passionless interactions the alternative would be! It's all so subjective too. One wo(man)'s acceptable advance is another's step too far. How many can look back and state that they never overstepped the bounds of acceptability? How would you necessarily know? How many had, by today's standards, the bounds overstepped on them? Certainly I did; both welcome and unwelcome. By today's standards one episode would certainly be considered a sexual assault, but, to me, it was just a drunk friend overstepping the mark. The idea that I could 'ruin' her as a consequence is, frankly, horrific. And, although 'no' absolutely does have to mean no for fear of misinterpretation, we all know, surely, that sometimes 'no', can also mean maybe, not right now, yes and a whole host of other things in the complex arena of verbal and non-verbal sexual courtship. Whether or not it's all down to sex-negative feminism, I have no idea, but whatever, it's all good confusion and division.

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