Hi gang --

I'm here (before reading any other posts, even) after months away because I need to get past this.

"This" is that my knee surgery was set for Nov. 19, but when I went in for my pre-op on Nov. 13, my surgeon told me that I was FIVE pounds over the limit for my insurance company to be willing to pay for the knee replacement. (The 218.2 put my bmi over the limit.)

AND, because I didn't take any Metformin (for my diabetes 2) between mid-June and the end of October, (I started again Nov. 1) my A1C was back up to 8.1, and it could be no more than 8 for my insurance to approve the surgery.

Dr. Berguson rescheduled me for Dec. 17, which means I'll be in Rehab over Christmas and our family's multiple birthday parties on Dec. 30.

On my way home, I stopped at the frozen yogurt place and bought SEVENTEEN ounces of the stuff, plus a chicken dinner beforehand at El Pollo Loco, and after the two-hour drive home, McDonalds. And, a couple "small" (not half-gallon; quart maybe?) containers of Hagen Daas cherry vanilla ice cream at Smith's. And ate both of them because I knew that "tomorrow" I'd be on the straight-and-narrow weight loss path.

My plan of course was to Sole-Source but of course that didn't last long. However, by watching myself, I was able to drop to 209.5 by this Tuesday (two weeks after my pre-op visit), which was an 8.7-lb. loss. Please don't tell me that was all water! <sickly grin>

Anyway, I have continued watching (for the most part) what I'm eating, mostly staying away from carbs and over-consumption, but tonight my daughter made cookies for herself and her husband, and I couldn't resist. I had one. And now they've left the house and I am having to FORCE myself to not go in their room and get the rest of them. I mean FORCE. The near-compulsion I'm facing is Absolutely Ridiculous!

This is fullblown addiction. I am ready to give up getting my painful knee replaced, If Only I could have the rest of those cookies!

But okay. I'm better now, just for writing this out. This support board is a fantastic place to be able to vent, to get over the humps we face as we battle our addiction.

I guess I haven't realized before this the compelling nature of the addiction. "I'm addicted to food," was a kind of funny way of excusing my actions. Tonight I am living through the reality, and it's not pretty, it's not cute, it's not an excuse.

The mental support I get from being on this board is great. Thank you so much, Pam, for keeping it up. Happy Holy Season everyone!

Karen