About 4 years ago, I became involved with a man who lived 150 miles away, and we traveled on my breaks and on weekends to each other's homes. At my home, I was usually okay - not in the morning when he might still be sleeping unless I used the far bathroom, but at some point in the day there would be relief while he was occupied and I could get into the bathroom or when I could be in the dressing room/bathroom area for an extended period of time because I was showering. However, if I heard him enter or even come near to the bedroom area as though he would enter it, it would be a failed attempt even if I had the dressing room door closed. When I would visit him, there was only one bath on the first floor of the house. I would get up super early and hope for the best but usually it was not to happen... any little sound would end the possibility, and the cats move about a lot. I would get bloated and uncomfortable and that would also mean sex was psychologically uncomfortable as well in those times. But the feeling of needing to "go" would pass. However, the minute I would get home, all would be well. Manageable on weekends but difficult on week long and summer school breaks (I teach). There would be times in the summer when I would make an excuse to drive home just to take care of it. 300 miles round trip! Long vacations away would be a nightmare and even if there were multiple bathrooms in the place, I might be okay for a week but beyond that it was a no go.
Well, we got married in June of this year and went on our honeymoon for a month. You can imagine. I was okay for a few days and then the next days brought weight gain and bloat. I used Milk of Magnesia for the first time ever about midway through and it was highly effective, too effective. At that point, I had to let him know and he was good enough to go out and leave me in peace. After that, however, and maybe it was because I had confessed, it was pretty much nil. I came home about 8 pounds heavier and bloated and the back pain made the long air travel excruciating.
I thought it would reregulate once adapted to a new "home", and with him knowing this was an issue I thought it might help. No way. No how. 6 months now and constipation with resultant backaches have become my constant companion. My body seems to have adapted by eliminating small amounts throughout the day in whatever time it would appear that I am in the bathroom no longer than it takes to pee and it often requires straining no matter how uncomfortable the need is to release it. And it HAS to be very quiet when it happens and I have to know he is in another room with the TV loud r still upstairs sleeping. I know if I ask him to leave, his knowledge of it and my feeling that I have created a "situation" will being enough stress to make it impossible for me. He is very practical and blase about these matters and that has not helped. I am up at 5 am in the quiet darkness hoping to be able to resolve it, but the noise of one of the cats moving will make even the most powerful urge disappear. If I am feeling like this is the time and I finally have relief and he comes down the stairs the entire sensation disappears with immediacy and I know I am in for another day of in and out of the bathroom. Laxatives are not reliable help because my muscles are all so tense that they fight it which is even more uncomfortable, so I don't bother anymore. He is retired and so is home all the time. I am substitute teaching and the days I don't work I wait for him to run errands so that I can have some time but since I know time is limited the stress is inhibiting. I was starting to worry and then we visited home for the holidays and stayed with my friend whose house has been my home away from home for years and there is a private bath in the guest area. The first morning I woke early and knew they'd sleep late. I did not expect a change but lo and behold - normalcy for the first time in 6 months. Same the next day. The following 2 days were in my mother's small flat with central bathroom. I had eaten normally at my friend's house that 3rd day and then foolishly ate normally at the family holiday gatherings thinking it would be okay. However, what came was system lock down beyond reason with accompanying backache and loss of sleep. And it has come back home with me. It has taken 3 full days now and a massage therapy session to release some of the muscle tension and to begin to be able to go a little again - enough to relieve the pressure. The doctor calls it shy bowels. I call it hell but remain hopeful that through some power of will - or maybe a move into a new home with a more private bathroom option- it will resolve again.