This is a product that I was unfamiliar with. You seem to be able to get relatively cheap ones from Amazon and whatnot to moderate to ridiculous-priced ones at Fortnum & Mason. But why does this exist? Who's the target market? Isn't it cheaper to buy your own cheese and wine?

I'll tell you who has absolutely no interest in wine or Christmas: Muslims. There was a Mohammadan solicitor at my job today who I'm pretty sure has a thing for me. Isn't this haram? Infidels and whatnot. I think that Muslim men can marry non-Muslims but Muslim women can't marry non-Muslims.

Anyway, she just greatly encouraged me to stay with her trial (I was assigned to two trials) and would take any opporunity to talk to me and she stressed that she's a sole (i.e. unattached) practitioner. Stuff like this.

Not really a looker. She looked white and had a big nose so I was thinking she's Middle Eastern. She sounded Scottish, though. Could lose a fair bit of weight. Pink headscarf. Really nice shoes, though. That's what these Mohammadans do. The only thing they show is their feet so that's where they show off their fashion sense.

Pleasant woman but not for me. I mean, of course individual Muslims are sometimes okay people but it's the world's worst religion.

Oh yeah, and M&S also sells those wine baskets. I went to M&S just today. I needed some toilet paper but I also picked up some raspberries and a bag of jalepeno M&S brand tortilla chips.

I've been holding in a crap for two days now. I had some toilet paper. Enough for a clean to moderate dump. But a messy dump? No.

So what happens in these situations when I run out of toilet paper is that I go in the shower and rinse off. Then if things still aren't clean, I break out the emergency washrag. But I don't like doing any of that stuff. It's far from ideal.

So anyway, I'm in M&S. Where's the toilet paper? Then I find a tiny section that had toilet paper. All store brand. And all expensive. £3.00 - £3.50 for four rolls. For STORE BRAND toilet paper? That's more than the name brand top of the line Andrex cocoa butter shit that I get. But it's all that they had and I didn't want to go to the nearby Sainsburys just for toilet paper.

So I got the £3.00 package. Get it home. Three ply. So...I guess that means it's luxury stuff. Andrex is just two ply, surely. But how many plies do you need? I'm fine with two. And what does any of this even mean? It can be one ply. That just means you use more of it to achieve the same result as two ply.

I opened it up and gave it a feel. Not impressed at all. I'll reserve judgement until I try it anally but so far I think that Andrex has nothing to fear. That Andrex cocoa butter shit is real luxury. Try that shit on your ass and tell me that's not pure decadence. The softness, the absorbancy, and it leaves your anus smelling like cocoa butter. It's awesome.

I had one more topic. Oh yeah. Stage production of a tv show reminded me of the Seinfeld Leaning Susan video that I saw recently on Youtube.