I have to say that this is a question which holds no interest to me.

But this guy's name is Bartlett. And it reminded me of the Tommy Bartlett Water Show at Wisconsin Dells.

It's still going on. Can still see it. Read some Google reviews that claim it's ridiculously old-fashioned. That's undoutedly true. It was old-fashioned when I was there 30 years ago.

Saw some Youtube videos of it. Loads of empty seats. It's sad. But they have dancing girls, dudes jumping over ramps on boats, water ski stunts. The only thing I didn't see is the water skiing squirrel. I guess they finally bowed to the animal rights lobby.

Perhaps for the best. I can't imagine any squirrel wanting to water ski. They wear little life jackets and I assume the purpose of this is to prop the poor animal up. Then they probably tie their paws to the handle. What an ordeal. And that thing must be fighting the whole time. Perhaps they drug them.

But yeah, this can all be found at Wisconsin Dells, which itself is a woefully dated tourist spot. We went a few times as a kid for the summer break. I guess just because it was cheap and nearby.

They have some water parks there. You can also ride the ducks (amphibious vehicles from WWII). I think that I saw one of these in London as a lame new tourist attraction. The Dells has been doing it since probably World War II. Take that, London.

Nobody in my family even liked water parks. I don't remember ever going swimming. I didn't know how to swim. We also went to some beaches, though. Why? I don't remember anyone in my family enjoying spending time in the water.

So what did we do? I never went down any water slide. Never went on the lazy river, I don't think. Never went to any big communal pool. I remember remote control boats but I don't remember using them. I just thought they were kind of cool.

You have to pick the right vacation destinations for your family. We weren't a very outgoing family so water parks shouldn't have even been considered. We needed something more cerebral. Or just peaceful.

Yeah, we went to some cabins in Michigan a couple times. That was cool and everyone seemed to like that. You'd just go fishing, go for a walk through the little forest, check out the Indian burial houses, go to the park, shit like this. Live in a spider-infested trailer for a couple of weeks. It was good fun. I enjoyed that.

There were a couple of big ass chess boards outside the cabins. We didn't know how to play chess but we played checkers with them. That was fun.

If my lady friend agrees to move in with me, we could do stuff. I don't mean butt stuff, I mean we could go places. I haven't really been on holiday since I was 12. Well, I guess I went to Finland a couple years ago for my cousin's wedding. That was awful, though.

But go somewhere nice with somebody you actually like. That would be cool. We could go to Niagra Falls. I went as a kid. Some interesting stuff there, I guess. The falls, obviously. But also...I don't know...just the tourist shops and shit like that. There's a boat ride you can take. I'm not entirely sure why this place is supposed to be romantic, though.

Of course, you really need a car to enjoy anything like this. My license is long since expired and my friend doesn't even know how to drive, I don't think.

I was also contemplating getting a motorcycle again. I mean, it doesn't really snow here. And there's loads of nice scenery in Scotland. Be nice to check it out. And the small towns. Ayr is always great. Of course, I'd have to learn to ride a motorcycle. And the rules of the road are different than in the US. So...it's compounding problems. I'd have a hard enough time just driving.

Anyway, took a big dump somewhere in the middle of this post. Diarrhea. It was awesome.