When I was a kid, we had always had to have "educational" school field trips. Actually, now that I think of it, that was a policy that came into force when I was in about the fourth grade. Prior to that, we had at least one trip to an amusement park.

Anyway, then parents were complaining, I guess (or maybe they weren't) and all field trips had to be "educational".

Wait a minute. Why am I getting into this bullshit? I just realised, "I'm talking about Fantasia...we didn't go on a field trip to see Fantasia...how could we? That would only be a two hour experience."

So forget all of that. Actually, I'll come back to it. But we saw Fantasia in the school auditorium.

We would sometimes see films for good behaviour. Not recent blockbusters but old shit. Shit that the school could get for a hefty discount. Here are some films that I remember seeing in school:

The Red Balloon
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Fantasia

There were others but those are the only ones that I can remember now. Fantasia was like the big event. A film from 45 years ago. Whoa! I've heard good things!

Then it starts. What the fuck? There's no story. Just classical music.

I don't think that I've ever been so disappointed in my life. This was like the first Disney film that I saw. I was never hyped for Disney like so many people today seem to be but maybe this film is part of the reason.

It sucks so bad. Even now I couldn't watch it. I couldn't even appreciate the animation or the music or the experimental nature of it. It's a cartoon set to music with no story. Some of the scenes are just abstract shit. I mean, come on. I'm not watching this.

Red Balloon, yeah, it was some creepy French shit from the 1950s. No words. Probably full of music as well.

Everybody likes Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, though. That was like the last film that I saw at school. I was probably in the 7th or 8th grade. The film was only about 30 years old at the time, so a newer release.

Anyway, let's go back to field trips. They had to be educational. So we'd go to museums and shit like this. Basically, just museums. I can't think of anywhere else that we went. An art gallery probably wouldn't fly. You might see a boob.

Speaking of which, when my lady friend was here, we went to an art gallery and whenever there was a painting of female nudity, she'd just quickly pass it. I don't know. If there were paintings of naked dudes would I linger? Is it a fair comparison? These are some conversation questions you can bring up at your next social gathering.

So we're at the world famous Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago. Fifth grade. They have the big Omnimax Theater. Some...I don't know...theater with a big screen. I don't know what they're called.

But it creeped me out and I felt sick watching it. So I sat with my coat over my head for a while but then I had to leave. I couldn't take the incredibly loud sound that one gets at this immersive experience.

So I'm outside with a couple of other kids with sensitive dispositions and our teacher. And our teacher is bitching at us because she wanted to see the film. Doesn't want to babysit us. What a terrible, terrible person. It's her job to educate and take care of children and she's complaining about not getting to see some lame ass science museum film. Go in your spare time, you dumb bitch.

Let's see what Yelp says. Overwhelmingly positive reviews.

Wow. Look at dumbass Bree's review. "You can easily spend 3-4 hours here!"

What a retard. There are hundreds of hours of shit to do there, if not more. Same as any major museum.

Why can't I only look for the one star reviews?

Niki describes the museum as "family friendly"? Are there non-family friendly museums? I guess there are, dildo museums or whatever, but I mean mainstream museums. They're all geared to children. I'd like to see an adults-only museum. Not for sexual stuff but just a museum with exhibits that don't insult the intellect of anyone over the age of 8.