OK I got this! It's day 1 of SS.

Last night there was a huge cake in the break room and assorted little packaged cakes. I didn't have any but I had a Milky Way candy bar a few hours prior to the lunch break. There was a time I couldn't stand the taste of sugar because it was too acidic. No problem now. Some breads & baked goods make my skin break out in a rash but I am drawn to eat them, like a moth to a flame. In the lunch room I pushed the search button to look through the sandwich machine selections and found a v8 juice and a string cheese that maybe I would like to eat. (Whatever happened to the garden salad they used to stock?) but nothing sounded good. It was in that moment I went back to the lab and found a sealed container, opened it, and mixed up a Dutch Chocolate Cambridge shake.

Right now I am like the alcoholic who finally reached the "bottom". There is a song "I've been down so very da... long that it look like up to me." I think it was performed by the Doors. I've been down so long that it feels like the "normal" and I recognize that this "normal" is very unhealthy, and it is unacceptable to continue down this path of self destruction. I feel sick and tired of feeling fat, sick, and tired. When I look in the mirror I do not recognize the person looking back at me. I can just imagine what people say when they see me. Like many morbidly obese people I fat shame myself. I really don't need the ridicule of others, I can do that myself. It's getting harder and harder to walk. I used to love walking, hiking. Now I want to stay in bed or go back to bed if and when I get up. I drag myself to work and drag myself home looking forward to sleep. So it's Day 1. Wish me luck.

I'll report back in tonight.

Everyone have a great day.