Dear blogger,

As is usually the case with this site, it was very validating? to read your message. My problem sounds almost identical to yours. I share the same fears you do (i.e., the nursing home). In fact, being hospitalized for any period in life is a fear of mine, because (aside from the obvious reasons) I know I will be miserable after a couple days. I share very similar anxieties about travel. There have been several occasions where I have opted for a hotel, and had to awkwardly field the inevitable questions about why I don't just stay in the house with everyone else. If I were free from this constraint, I know that I would take week-long hiking trips, I'd stay weekends at friends' frequently, I'd backpack through Europe, I'd visit exotic places and stay in a hut with the Bushmen, etc. In short, I'd conquer the world.
It's funny, my regularity is the same as yours, too. Once in the morning and I'm good for the rest of the day. I used to have a girlfriend who slept over nights, and she left for work every morning before I did. This arrangement worked well, and fortunately she tried to be very understanding about my issue.
Now you say you're fine relieving yourself as long as your husband/friend steps out temporarily to give you some privacy. This is sort of the case with me, but my condition is severe enough that if I don't REALLY trust the person, or am not totally comfortable with them, I suffer from the added pressure of feeling like I've put them out, or that they are waiting impatiently for me to finish. This has the same effect on me as their physical presence. Recently, a new girlfriend wanted to stay the weekend. We had been seeing each other for a few weeks, and I figured it was time to share my secret. I explained to her that I would need some time alone in the mornings, or the weekend would become very uncomfortable for me. She seemed to be sympathetic, but when the time came and she went shopping nearby to give me my privacy, I still felt pressured by time constraints. It didn't go well, and I was disappointed with myself. When she returned, she could tell I was stressed about it, and the next day when she "broke up" with me, that was one of the reasons she cited. She said my issue had stressed her out as well.
Anyway, the purpose of that story was to demonstrate that one of my worst fears had come true: that someone I was dating would be driven away by this issue. Sometimes I am afraid I will spend the rest of my life alone because of this problem (I'm 25). It's too bad, because I'm smart, decent-looking, and fairly charming. What a waste! It's at least encouraging to see that you are married, and have made it work thus far.
The outlook I have come to adopt over time that helps me accept my problem is an acknowledgment that we all have our burden to bear, so to speak. Well, some people don't. But instead of this psychogenic problem, I suppose I could have rheumatoid arthritis, like my younger sister, or schizophrenia (God forbid), or any number of health problems that pose an obstruction to a normal lifestyle. What's insidious about this, of course, is that one appears to be normal, and yet has such a severe limitation on their freedom. It is difficult to explain to people or garner their understanding. Nevertheless, I try to tell myself that these are the cards I was dealt, and as is the case for all of us, I must do the best with what I have. I am very blessed in other aspects; I ought still to be successful in life.
Anyway hang in there. At least you know there are many people who share the same limitation. During that 95% of the time that your routine is not interrupted, you don't have to be reminded of your obstruction. In that sense, you do have some control.