To Samesecret,
I read with great interest your "plight." It is amazing to me that via the Internet, I connected with someone (in Europe?) with the same problem. (I am in the U.S.) I went away last month for 10 days. I did have to use an enema 3 times. We stayed in various hotels and a private home. I paid extra close attention to this since posting on this website. I was not a "mess" as some people on this website are. I feel very badly as I read about some of the problems people have here. At least in our case, as long as we do go once in the morning, the rest of the day is "normal." I am trying to learn more about this so decided to repost. But back to my trip. Even with privacy, I have realized that just traveling in itself seems to cause my internal system to go a bit out of whack. I get a bloated and full feeling and just know that if I miss more than one day, I will be very uncomfortable. That then affects my overall state immensely, giving me a "blah" and uncomfortable feeling and making me unable to really have a good time. More than two or three days and I'm a grouch and feel just terrible. That is why I use enemas. (Wow, how weird to write this on the Internet, like I am a crazy person.) The enemas do wipe me out a bit and leave my insides feeling "stripped", but the bloated, full feeling I get if I do not relieve myself is worse. I stayed in a hotel suite on the first floor, down the hall from the lobby and breakfast/dining area for a few days. I noticed that since the bathroom had one wall on the hall side, that seemed to affect me. I am wondering if anyone else has this issue. I realized that if the bathroom were in an inner area, with all walls being internal (in the suite) then I could have gone better. I was amazed that one morning, about day 7 after having taken 3 enemas, I was able to go on my own, not fully, but enough to feel good. That was a first. I had taken an enema the night before and could not go, but the next morning I was able to go fine. Now, if I heard a door slam in the hall or something, that would have ended it right there. What is it about that? I know that nobody can hear me from out in a hotel hallway. A lot of people say they are afraid that people will hear them, and I suppose I feel that way, but it is just as much of a problem if I hear them, even if I am positive that they can't hear me. I have to have a very "alone" feeling. My husband sleeps with earplugs, and I like a fan or a sound machine, so if he is still asleep, I have no problem going with him home. As long as I know he can't hear me. I can't do that with other people, though, so it may be the familiarity and comfort level. I feel like you do, Samesecret, that I would hike on overnight trips and do a lot of other things if it weren't for this issue. I love to hike but say I just don't like camping. It's not that I don't like it, I just could never, ever go to the bathroom in a public bathroom. I thought of "camping" in a fully equipped camper, but I do not know if I would be able to go with people in close proximity, or hearing outdoor noise. I would have to wait until the entire campground was asleep, or park in some remote end of the grounds. How weird is all this? I lead such a "normal" life otherwise. When I see a natural disaster on TV and see all the people gathered in some auditorium or gymnasium until they can return to their home or whatever, the first thing I always think of is, "Wow, if that happened to me, what would I do about going to the bathroom?" So, the fact that my life affords me to go okay now, does not mean that this is not a HUGE issue for me still. I had a discussion with my sister and she said, "It's really all in your head." Some people cannot begin to understand it. I told her it's much like saying that vomiting and being sick from chemo is "all in your head" and to just stop feeling sick. I suppose that's a rather poor analogy, but the point is that the root is physical in some way. If it stems from "my head", I can assure you that I have absolutely no clue whatsoever how to fix/cure/stop/change this. I try as best I can. I am sure that everybody who has posted on this website would be willing to give up something of great monetary or other value to them, if these problems would just "go away." I am hoping that eventually I will understand this more, or that more progress will be made in helping people with these issues or conditions. I have a friend who has the same problem, only worse. She is home with a large number of children and finds it very difficult to relieve herself, having to get up very early before anybody else in her house is up. One other thing, and this is all out of order, but that's okay: I also have to really, really trust the person or I feel pressure. It's just like everything "shuts down." I hope that by people sharing and opening up about such an embarrassing topic, we will help one another in some way. I shake my head and say, "I can't believe I am doing this", but alas, here I am. It took me about 5 days to feel like my system was fully back to normal after we returned home from our trip. Thanks for reading this. I also wanted to tell you that the right person is out there, someone who will understand your situation/condition (what do we call this?) and not get freaked out by it. I hope you will go forward in a positive manner.