I keep waking up and having the urge to masturbate. I do it for a minute or so then decide that I have to go back to sleep.

This doesn't just happen during naps, it's been happening several times a night for the past month or so. I don't know if it affects my sleep but I don't like that half-asleep state where you're trying to figure out if the dream is real. And all the while you're stroking your penis.

Maybe just extra virile and healthy at the moment. I should invite my black friend over and let her bounce on it but I don't want to use condoms and I don't want to get her pregnant. She's been cool with no condoms the last few times, gives me unlimited goes at her pussy, and rode me for two hours last time. It's like she's trying to get pregnant. Or maybe she just knows that I won't cum and decides to enjoy herself.

Anyway, it's hot. That might be another reason for this sleep masturbation. Sleeping in my underpants or nothing at all so easy access. I know most people sleep like this but I usually just sleep in my clothes. I don't see the harm in it.

So too hot for sex but can still play with the cock. Haha. Our friend lisa always said "cock" which I found odd. She wasn't a sweary woman but her word of choice for the penis was "cock" which I consider to be the worst term there is in terms of offensiveness. But she said it to be endearing. "Are you going to get your cock out soon?" and the like.

Talking to lisa was like talking to a madwoman. She was always angry about something. You could never win. Post something on a forum...ANYTHING, no matter how banal and she'd throw abuse at you for hours.

But the cure was getting naked as she herself acknowledged. One day she started giving me the business for posting a message but then my mother went upstairs. That was like the code phrase for "I can get naked on can now". So straight away she said "ooh okay" and her tone completely changed. I mentioned this change of attitude and she said "Yes, nudity is the solution".

That brings me to another weird dynamic: her inner struggle with the raw sexuality she was witnessing. When I wasn't naked, she would mock me for doing it. "Do you think I want to see a big ape playing with his...err...banana?" for example. She was a very hostile woman while I was fully clothed. But the clothes come off, the cock gets stroked, and she melted.

Years later, while living in London, she would get outraged when I'd try to steer the conversation to a sexual direction. But this was always the nature of our relationship. She was horrible when talking about normal stuff (even in London she wanted to talk about forums) but was pleasant with sexual topics.

Indeed, the few times in London that I was able to discuss sexual topics with her, she was fun to talk to. But she usually took great offence at these attempts.

Again, a weird psychological point arises. She always thought that I was joking. She didn't think that I was genuinely interested in fornicating with her. To her mind, this decade of talking to her, letting her watch me on webcam, all the stuff I said I'd like to do to her, it was all a big "wind up". I was playing the long game. I was making fun of her and wouldn't actually let her suck on my penis.

So she's a complicated person, I guess.