Oh man. Just had some Uncle Ben's spicy Mexican rice. Never bought this shit before. I was surprised to see that you could microwave it. I don't know anything about this stuff. There was a hint of spice but nothing substantial. I ate it with some Scottish sausages. Now I feel a bit sick.

Was working today. Got a call at 10.30 this morning.

Woman: Hi. You don't know me but I know (some solicitor) and I'm looking for a (profession) today.

Me: What? Today?

Woman: Aye. I know it's short notice but if you're available, it's in (city) Sheriff Court.

Me: Yeah. I mean...I can do it but I'm going to have to get dressed and it's going to take some time to get there.

Woman: How long do you think it will take?

Me: I don't know. An hour, I guess.

Woman: An hour would be perfect. I have to go back in a few minutes to update the sheriff.

Me: Right. Can you give me the name of the case?

Woman: (gives name of case)

Me: And your name?

Woman: (gives name, which was one of the names of the people in the case)

Me: Wait. So you're not a solicitor?

Woman: No, I'm representing myself.

Me: Okay. Yeah, that's fine. Do you appreciate what the fee will be?

Woman: It's no problem. I think the fee will be split between us. I can pay now over the phone.

Me: No, that's okay. But it will be about (amount).

Woman: That's fine.

Me: Okay then. I'll be there. Thanks.

The solicitor she was talking about was some scumbag who I recently dealt with who kept ducking me over a £50 fee that he owed me. FIFTY POUNDS they didn't want to pay. I think it's all sorted now but anyway, nice of him to refer me.

I'm not sure if I'll get paid, though, because the woman's entire case was how impoverished she is. But at least the other side will pay their half so that's £100. Plus, the case didn't finish so it's set down for another day and I'm booked for that. Sweet.

What else? Oh right. Tinder. Started again. Got two matches. 29 year old Louise. Works at Sky TV. Good for her. Nothing else on her profile.

Then 26 year old Laura. She's Canadian. Jacked up teeth. She'd actually be okay if it weren't for the huge gap in her teeth. It might seem like a minor thing. My ladyfriend has a gap in her teeth. Loads of black people do. But the gap in this woman's teeth is severe.

Anyway, she's not looking for hookups. No problem there. But she's curious about "poly".

I don't think that this is something which exists in the UK, fortunately. It's a dumbass American thing that started to gain some traction maybe seven years ago.

"What are you complaining about, Legin? A dude with two sexy ladies? What's wrong with that?"

Nothing, I guess, but "poly" is almost exclusively, from what I've seen online, one disgusting woman and two pathetic men.

This girl with the hillbilly teeth thinks that she can get TWO men? She shouldn't even be able to get one.

So yeahh. Canadian Laura. Just like Canadian Tony.

Canadian Tony lead a rich life. He came to London. Black guy. Then one of the friends who he met here put an axe in Canadian Tony's head while they were high.

It's one of the few cases that I remember. I don't remember if the guy was found guilty or not but I remember Canadian Tony and his grisly demise. That's black folk for you, though. They lack empathy.