Here's some bonus content from that eighth grade play.

We wore makeup. I was a monkey so I wore some tannish makeup. So when it was being applied, all of the dumb kids were like "Oh, look at Baron! It's so weird seeing Baron tan!"

I never got that. Yes, I have fair-skin. But did anyone at that school have deep tans? Not from what I saw. They didn't look significantly darker than me. Maybe they were and I just can't tell. I got this pale comment quite a bit. Yeah, I'm light-skinned. It's not a moral failing. I'm not this way because I stay inside all day. I physically can't tan. This is common for people who have Nordic ancestry. Get over it, you small-minded jerks.

Also, some of the rehearsals got pretty chaotic backstage. As a winged monkey, I spent a lot of time backstage with the other monkeys. We didn't have much stage time.

So we were all in this weird room that had like surplus cafeteria tables and shit in it, just stacked up. There were like four guys and a girl. Then the girl said, "Oh my god. I'm the only girl here. I'm going to leave" and she got up to leave. And a fellow monkey said, "Let's rape her, guys." She left the room unmolested. But a weird comment by both of these people.

That guy in particular was probably getting molested or something. In like the third or fourth grade, he grabbed my penis during music class and said, "You're going to have good sex one day." He wasn't wrong but a rather odd thing for a child to say and do.

During that same rehearsal, another winged monkey entered the room and said, "If anyone asks, we were here the whole time."

Later that day, I found out why he said this. While we were changing in the bathroom, we saw that somebody had carved "(girl) is a ho but she has a good body".

A few minutes after seeing this, the principal busts in with the religion teacher and shows her this defaced bathroom stall. She doesn't say anything but he's completely irate. "LOOK AT WHAT YOUR GOOD BOYS DID!"

Did I do it? Why condemn the whole class based on the actions of two imbeciles who you know are low-intellect troublemakers?

Next day, we have to anonymously submit papers to the teacher detailing any knowledge about the incident. I write about this guy telling me that they were there the whole time.

Then the teacher reads the notes. She gets to mine and said, "Who wrote this one in pencil?" I knew it was mine but I didn't want to say any more than what's on the note. I didn't even like writing the note but I certainly don't want anyone to know that it was me squealing on my fellow winged monkey.

So one by one we were taken outside and asked if it was our note. I could have just said "no" but alone with the teacher, I admitted that it was my note.

Apparently, that guy subsequently admitted to writing "but she has a good body" but not the ho allegation. It's true that the "but she has a good body" was done in a different script so I believe him. He never incriminated the other tagger, though.

I don't know what happened to him. He graduated but I don't know if he had to pay for a new door or if his grandparents were notified or what. He was raised by his grandparents.

Anyway, this girl was indeed a ho. She ran away in the seventh grade to travel the country with some guy in his 20s.

But good body? No. This was the only girl in the lowest reading group. The rest was like 7 really stupid guys. This vandal was in this group. Most of the guys in this group for idiots were friends and they really liked this girl. It baffled me then and it baffles me still.

As the years wore on, they'd get increasingly sexual with her. Slide up under her to look under her skirt, for example. I'd see this and just have no idea why they're doing it. Why this girl?

She was not a looker. Not an attractive face and I have no idea what body this guy was refering to.

She became a super unattractive single mother of like five super stupid kids. So...these things happen.