Wow...
Apparently all those years spent,
By yourself, back row of the short bus,
licking windows...took it's toll.

Ever consider a career with the National Enquirer?
...with your "mad sleuthing " abilities, bet you could find out where Elvis is really hiding out.

Also,
additional sources have indicated(to me)you're pretty much worthless to the local racing community.
Thanks, Mychal.