Thats great information mathman. You seem to really know a lot about this.

What is someones feels there is no "out" no safe place. That is what gives me feelings of desperation. I can't go alone even in my own house. I don't know another alternative. The pressure to go and succeed just builds, which makes the "performance" more agonizing. I think I need more of the "so what if it doesn't work this time" attitude.